I just wish I could just. Break off. Just live on my own (or at least cash on the couch of a trusted person or something) and ust try and, start from scratch without judgement
wihtout worrying about letting my parents down or dealing with mom's hyper focused anxious direction or. Ugh.
i just want stability.
to not worry about the next big step
I am SO BAD AT BIG PICTURE LIFE-DIRECTION THINKING
everything is so fucking. Bleak in the world. Like it feels like the worst possible time to try and sort out my life and make a living.
I get dropped intot he world to try and be an adult right as everything breaks down to hell.
I can barely wrap my head around the prospects of some proper "job job" andi feel like Ive completely wasted my colege years on a fucking. Classical civilization degree.
i wish i could just write my smut and live by myself and have control over my living space and just, at least be allowed to live and fail by my own judgment alone. Life feels so suffocating now.
But I'm caught in this hell of being old enough to be making decisions about my life, but lacking in control of my immediate surroundings and circumstances, and woefully un-fucking prepared to actually life on my own if I even had the nerve to just break off.
