realizing we definitely have some complex impostor syndrome thoughts with regards to our own plurality
We do too, but mostly Logan who is our "original"... he fears that he's controlling all of us just because he feels like he can see everything happening and how everything works, and being able to see that makes him think that he is doing it.
The rest of us don't feel that way because we're all confident in our own existences, due to the fact that we have our own individual self-identities and personalities... but Logan, knowing he is an "original", feels that he would be the one controlling everything if we were faking. So he is the one who gets the majority of the impostor syndrome.
Accepting that you're in a system requires you to accept the fact that you will feel things that directly contradict that fact. You will feel like you are a singlet and just imagining or acting. You will feel like you are the sole inhabitant of the body.
At the very least... try to keep willingly identifying as a system despite the fact that your brain keeps trying to make you feel otherwise. The next step is to learn to doubt the accuracy of those feelings... but for some, that's not possible (like with us), so the most we can do is try to ignore them.
Ignoring them won't necessarily help with the impostor syndrome, unless you can somehow become comfortable with it or keep it off your mind...
For us, we have all sorts of theories on all the different ways that we could be a system, and we personally hold the opinion that it doesn't even really matter how our system works if we feel plural and act plural. We just are plural and fit all the criteria for DID, objectively.
Yeah, lots of the same stuff here. For us, i think it's mostly about being monoconscious-ish and most plural things feeling like it only considers polyconsciousness. We have a lot of feelings and insecurities about this but it's hard to express right now so this short summary will have to do
(Cohost deleted my entire post just because our internet blipped for a few seconds... so I lost an entire essay... what follows is my best summary, because I'm not retyping all that.)
"Monoconsciousness" is actually very common, at least if you're referring to systems that always/mostly use non-possessive switching.
Non-possessive switching is when the current fronter just starts being another member instead without being disrupted. Personality, likes and dislikes, desires and skills will change to match who you just became, but you keep your memories and thoughts and everything.
You never stop being yourself, it's just that "yourself" changes. You might not even notice when it does, even if you eventually realize that you either feel different, act different, or were just doing something that you wouldn't normally (or were earlier!).
In some systems you don't even have to become anyone in particular, you could even be a combination of multiple members. Sometimes you can't even really tell who you are without observing your own behaviors and interests.
Does this describe your experience at all?
yeah. but at the same time, we don't feel all that,, separate i guess? Like, the personalities of all the common fronters feels like they just converge over time.
We also decide every switch and deliberately do it, at least the vast majority of times. Though sometimes a switch can feel wrong/off and we switch someone else in right afterwards instead
it's also like, difficult to talk with non-fronting members. it just feels like the thinking of the fronter. it's also like, impossible to know a certain member's feeling on something unless they're fronting. but also for anything other than individual pronouns or something else that specifically relates to that member, we haven't yet found anything we disagree on.
we mainly consider ourselves to be one consciousness that uses different filters at different times
yeah. but at the same time, we don't feel all that,, separate i guess? Like, the personalities of all the common fronters feels like they just converge over time.
It's completely normal for this to happen~ It's weird to describe, but if you are all similar, you will all eventually converge on similar behaviors in reaction to life. The most significant personality differences are from members that legitimately have different capacities for different emotions, or different desires, or enjoy having a different personality. But if you don't have much of those differences, then your ideal selves will end up being pretty similar.
We also decide every switch and deliberately do it, at least the vast majority of times. Though sometimes a switch can feel wrong/off and we switch someone else in right afterwards instead
This sounds like influence, hun~ It sounds like when you "decide" on a switch, it's not always only the fronter who is deciding... systems that use non-possessive switching can be difficult to describe due to how thoughts can work and how they can still be influenced by system members who aren't fronting.
The key is that somehow a switch can feel "wrong/off"... this means that you aren't just deciding, you are instead identifying who it is you are trying to be... you're being influenced somehow~
And I don't mean to say that someone is controlling or compelling you to do something... however...
it's also like, difficult to talk with non-fronting members. it just feels like the thinking of the fronter.
...even though the front can be classified as different members and switch between them, from the perspective of the front, they always feel that they are the one thinking and feeling everything, the one in control of the mind.
This is normal, and can happen in any system (even somewhat in ours that uses fully possessive switching!). What's happening could be that you do indeed have only one consciousness at a time, but you draw identity, personality, emotion, behavior from your system members... whoever is currently fronting is just whoever is responsible for the majority of everything... however, other members can still be drawn from and take part in generating thoughts or influence... which are indeed your own thoughts, because it really is "you" thinking of them, but "you" happens to include traces of other system members~
Likewise, you feel like you are talking to yourself because while you are responsible for asking the question, you may have to temporarily become someone else to answer that question... and you then generate the answer yourself, so it reeeally has that "talking to yourself" feel, because you're the one who created the answer! It's probably an answer that you wouldn't have been able to create if you didn't ask the question, because the question prompted the other system member to respond... it starts getting really confusing quick.
You're both the asker, and the answerer, and they were/are both you and you remember/experience both with no detectable boundary between them due to your state of consciousness never really changing, even if you think as different system members...
We sort of get that too, by the way. We still always feel like we're talking to ourselves, but we can sort of tell that the thought came from a specific "ourself" rather than just the same one who asked. However... that could be complicated in your situation, as you sort of... don't have that benefit of being multiple consciousnesses that can tell apart ideas from each others'. You don't have multiple... states or instances of consciousness, that can be differentiated between. Only one.
it's also like, impossible to know a certain member's feeling on something unless they're fronting.
Absolutely!! We have that too. We can't even imagine how a certain member would think or feel or respond to something if they're not present, because we don't have access to them. They are the only one with access to themself! And yet, when they are present and tell us, we feel like we are talking to ourselves. Isn't that crazy? Proof that we can't make it up, but still feeling like we made it up it anyway?
but also for anything other than individual pronouns or something else that specifically relates to that member, we haven't yet found anything we disagree on.
Same here, at least for all of us that front in the body. For other things I think we mostly agree there too? We use the same settings everywhere and share accounts and everything and are fine. We are just a very consistent system, I suppose, in terms of how we will interact with the world and the opinions that we have on things... it's just that we all have the ability to handle everything differently because of our different personalities.
we mainly consider ourselves to be one consciousness that uses different filters at different times
This is absolutely a suitable analogy~
