It absolutely breaks our heart when we are a problem... especially when we're such the problem that we literally cannot avoid writing big walls of problem and every single time we try to erase it all and write something better it just starts getting longer and more complicated and more stressful and our anxiety
I wish we didn't have PDA and RSD that makes everything so insanely difficult that we can't handle completely normal and reasonable situations
I wish we were able to resist looking at messages or resist sending messages that would only make things worse
I wish everything we did didn't have to be hoping the other person would understand what we're going through because overwhelming them with information won't ever succeed in that
I probably totally traumatized someone who we never ever ever wanted to hurt and I feel so bad but I said everything I could possibly say to try to explain which is another one of our issues, having to explain everything completely... I don't know what disorder that is...
We're so completely fucked.... I don't even know if it's possible to fix even a single one of the defects that we have, we would rather melt our mind
