I'm big. Sometimes in my mind I daydream of what it would be like to be bigger. To be the size of a house. To hold a dear friend in the palm of my hand. To be the size of a mountain. To be so large animals and people can live on me. To be big enough to shield my loved ones with my body. To be intimidating enough to scare people away.
I'm small. Sometimes in my mind I daydream of what it would be like to be smaller. To be the size of a young girl. To laze around my house wearing my current clothes that loosely hang around my tiny frame. To be so cute that everyone wants to cherish and protect me.
I'm old. I've once been told I act like an old man. I like my peace and quiet. I like to live alone. At work I don't socialize, I just silently and diligently get the job done with no complaints. I've been told I look like my grandfather. I am older than most of my friends. Sometimes I like it when friends treat me as an older sibling or parent.
I'm young. I don't feel as mature as people seem to think I am. I can't take care of myself. I can't drive. I can't even tie my shoes. People regularly mistake me as a highschooler. No one can seem to guess my age. I want my friends to take care of me like I'm their little sister.
I'm confused. All of these things are true. All of these things don't fit together. I'm a big hulking beast that intimidates people at a glance. I'm a mewling little kitten who's just scared of the world. I'm a tall man reaching his 30s who has no idea what to do with his life. I'm a young girl who wants to sit around in her pajamas all day. These are both me. In my head these two mental images are the same person, at the same time. I don't know how. It does not make sense. Am I both? Am I a sum of these parts? Am I both of these contradictions at different times?
I'm me. Sometimes I daydream of two people. One's tall, rugged, handsome. One's tiny, cute, frail. They couldn't be any more different from each other, but they are also the same. And they hold hands, and walk together.
