Self-awareness is a double-edged sword. I am still fronting, so I had to handle dinner, and I talked to our roommate. Everything went fine, but I was keenly aware that bird probably does not talk like this. I tried talking in a more casual, friendly manner, but it felt disingenuous.
I was concerned our roommate would notice, but they did not. They have extremely poor observational skills; they didn't notice our first tattoo until a month later and they didn't notice a new set of piercings for 6 months. We've been stretching our ear lobes for 2+ years now and they have never noticed it, either. Not even the plugs being monokuma colored.
Regardless, I was forced to be aware of what I was saying and how I was coming off in order to handle this situation. And the body's voice is...bad. I know that bird has bad vocal dysphoria and HRT helped with it, but he still doesn't like hearing his voice. And I do not like hearing our voice. I'm fine with it being more androgynous than unmistakably masculine like he wants, but it is not my voice.
Ever since we got our surgeries, the amount of gender dysphoria we encounter is close to 0. But...I am having gender dysphoria? I've had no other issues with the body, I normally do not care how it is perceived or how I am perceived, but this is...something. Something that is not easy (or cheap) to resolve.
-Halara
I am...unsure what to do with this. Halara has an idea for a solution, but it's a very unhealthy one. Putting the body at risk for serious consequences decades from now is very unlike them.
I don't want to say I put them in "time out," but I did. And Izzabelle is no longer around. And now I have to manage everything.
Well, at least this helps give credence to the theory that Halara and I are "related" in some way. As in, they're an "offshoot" of me. I'll take notes of this, it's difficult to put into words but I do think it's something bird would want to know.
-Silver