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friend enjoyer and aspiring game developer

aromantic/bisexual

25 years of being chaotic and counting

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i also do custom magic item commissions

for ttrpgs and such


frequently NSFW, sometimes I write porn and sometimes I draw it of myself
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ΘΔ am creature (dragon edition)


I enjoy doing worldbuilding a lot and have a big sci-fi setting with magic I've been building for over a decade now


If you want to know more places to find me,
ask me on discord! I don't bite (unless you want me to :3)

artemis
@artemis

There's a number of kinks that are like, socially risky to have, even in queer spaces. having these kinks can present someone with a familiar choice:

Accept themselves, but feel keenly aware of the social danger of it. Always be a bit on edge around people whenever any kind of topic veers near it. Carefully think about whether it's necessary to hide away anything that might act as a tell.

Or, reject themselves, feel much less social danger, but always be on edge whenever their own internal thoughts veer near it. And this also includes being on edge when discussions with others pass by the topic too, but the discomfort manifests differently.

This is not dissimilar from the experience of being gay in a place where that's socially dangerous, i think. It's much the same decision between accepting being gay but being "in the closet", or pushing thoughts away and rejecting the premise outright. It is not as though one way brings joy and the other suffering; they each have different pains and reliefs.

I personally prefer the self-acceptance.

I find the alternative feels like I am my own oppressor. That I'm doing the job in my every waking moment even when I'm alone, when there's no social situation to impose a danger in the first place. And then there's an incentive to also perform that same oppression to others I think, because as long as they're visible, I have to feel mentally uncomfortable as I self-regulate my own reactions to their visibility. I don't like these things.

But the acceptance choice does make navigating the world feel like it requires more skill and finesse than maybe it ought to.

These are I think not really new thoughts, but it helps me to explicitly think about the way in which these social patterns repeat themselves, at a smaller scale, amongst people who have tried to liberate themselves from the same patterns in a broader sense. The recursion is unfortunate I think, but it is also reassuring in how it makes it comprehensible and something I can deal with.


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in reply to @artemis's post:

How does one manage to unlearn the urge to repress? It's gotten to such a point that I can't even think about indulging without having to be In A Certain Mood for it, and that Mood vanishes very quickly. Oh, and the need to keep everything about it private lest... yeah.

for me, when it comes to internally repressing, what helped is engaging in the kink in a non-sexual way and/or just thinking abt what that would look like? Like just doing a thought exercise of "how would this look like if it didnt even involve sex at all". obv that wont work for everybody - and this only works if it did in fact start out as a sexual kink - but giving it more i guess 'complexity' within my own internal mind made me able to engage in thoughts about it without feeling an immediate "oh no, im thinking Dirty Unclean Thoughts" shame (and once you have that sort of 'padding', its easier to come to terms with that the sexual part of it also shouldnt feel dirty/unclean unless you want it to)

keeping everything private though idk about i still struggle with that majorly--