A story from Erick's personal life, told to a friend one night
"I ever tell you of the time I made one of my simulacra able to get drunk? Was a tricky thing, that - complicated, getting the physiological reactions right... but that's not what I want to tell you of. It's the aftermath that gets interesting."
"So, once the damn thing was working right, I decided to take it on a bit of a test drive - now, I'd not gotten drunk in over a couple centuries at that point, but I'd built it with a high tolerance, figured I'd be fine."
"First place I went was the Enrilu homeworld - now, they were pre-FTL at that point, though just barely a few years from breaking past that barrier. Had been intercepting signals, already knew about me and figured I was there either to bring ruin or had my own purposes. They were glad it was the latter. Now, I've forgotten what they call it, but the drink they gave me at my request goes by 'venomblood' or something by humans that like to drink it nowadays. Coppery taste, goes down a bit slimy, can't recommend unless you're looking for something that gets you shitfaced. And if you've got human physiology it's not even the best you can get for that."
"Next up was the elves. They were welcoming, though for pretty much every other sophont the stuff they drink would kill you pretty quick, so don't take this as an invitation to go get something of that sort off them. They were delighted to have someone besides an elf who was both interested in trying some and wouldn't die from it. Floral taste, hints of... yknow, I couldn't place it even after all this time. Vaguely nutty, but not like anything else I've ever had. Didn't really do anything to me, either. I think their physiology's just too different from ours for it to have much effect."
"After that, the orcs. I didn't know this beforehand, but turns out they've got something on a genetic level that gives them a massive sweet tooth. Tried to serve me some sweetened stuff traded from Earth before I clarified I wanted something from their background, and the particulars therein... it was almost sickeningly sweet, like drinking honey, and actually managed to knock that body out for a little bit with its strength."
"Then I went to the paradisians. I was expecting something more along the lines of the elven drink in regards to effect - they've got so much genetic tampering in their distant past that I doubted anything in the universe would be able to get anything out of what they eat and drink besides themselves. Still, doesn't hurt to try... for me, anyway. I initially took a sip while it was room temperature before someone stopped me, felt like pouring molten metal on my tongue (which is, if you're wondering, quite painful. Don't ask.) Apparently it's supposed to be served chilled, and after that its taste completely changed, apparently most of their food and drink changes taste completely based on temperature. Some odd quirk of the things they farm for it, I suppose. It was strong, but not overwhelming."
"Last on my little drinking tour before I called it quits was a dwarven star-home. Now, their beverages have a bit of a reputation among humans, you've got to get them diluted quite a bit. They've got a system analogous to the liver that's far stronger and faster than ours, so to get them drunk it not only has an absurdly high alcohol content, but a chemical cocktail that comes from a number of their crops that massively increases the uptake of that alcohol. The undiluted stuff would get a regular human hellishly drunk before they collapse of alcohol poisoning within the hour."
"So I get to their drinking hall, I request some undiluted stuff, the one tending to patrons asks if I've got a death wish or something, I reveal my simulacrum for what it is, you get it. Well, while the alcohol took effect for sure, the cocktail of other chemicals in there didn't really do much to me. But, this simulacrum didn't have any other way to flush it from my system than just taking it up as much as possible, so... I blacked out for a full damned week. When I came out of it it turns out that for the last couple days I'd been passed out, but before that I'd managed to have slept with just about half the star-home... but that's a story in its own right, I think."