As someone who's the same way I've found attaching engaging with others to specific personal interests is one of the best ways to keep yourself from stressing/locking up. It feels silly and weird when you first do it, but I've also found it makes the relationship better. You get opportunities to share about each other, and the time to increase both sides interests. Usually starting with something apparent, such as if you're wearing a specific style of clothes, iconography/reference etc. Alternatively asking the other party about their interests as well can be a huge boost, again asking+complementing about style or make up (tattoos are great too) has been a huge help in getting to know someone in my experience.
Small talk feels weird/can suck if it's not engaging, but when it's something both parties can contribute to it's a fantastic starting place.