• she/they

grumpy queer zillenial.
i play ggxrd and ffxiv and do a bunch of other nerd things
Ophelia Navi @ Jenova


Voxandra
@Voxandra

November 20th is my "trans anniversary" or whatever you wanna call it. I don't know if anyone calls it anything, or even remembers what day they "officially started transition." That's probably an outdated notion anyway, right? I mean I call it that because it was on November 20, 2010 that I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of a CVS and thought to myself "I guess I'm really doing this" and took my first pill of estrogen. So really it's "12 years of HRT" as a transition is defined by the person undergoing it. I guess it's just the signifier that stood out in my head since I'm more or less a binary woman. That and I was terrified of starting my transition.

"I'm too tall, I can't change my voice, I'm too hairy, my bone structure's wrong, no one will accept me," the lingering doubts that gave me panic attacks about ever transitioning. All of which ended up being wrong, and starting this remains the single best thing I ever did for myself. I know the concept of "passing" is bullshit, but in 2010 it's what people talked about and strived for 99% of the time. It's a different landscape these days where far more people will accept and see you for who you are instead of giving you the backhanded acceptance of "sure, I'll play along ;)" which was most of what I dealt with a decade ago. Thankfully many good friends stuck with me and are the reason I'm here today, able to get through many hardships of the past.

I don't know where I'm going with this post. My mood is somber which is customary every year, but that's more of a reflection of how I handle milestones as generally I think I'm in a better place than I have been in a long time. There's a lot of hope in my heart with motivation to improve rather than lamenting the negative. My career might be entertaining others, but I know there's quite a few trans people who watch me and I want you all to keep pushing forward and be who you know you are.

If I could send a message back in time to that scared Voxandra shaking in her car, it's "you get a big rack someday, hang in there."


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in reply to @Voxandra's post:

Hooray for big racks. I've started on mine just over the summer. Not for want of motivation, but availability in my area. Being poor, having no transportation, and no realistic support for decades is utter torment. I'm glad you were able to get yours when you did.

Congrats on your 12th year! Congrats on making it this far! I also remember the date of my first time taking estrogen, and I celebrate it as if it were my only birthday. My little way of forsaking the past I want to leave behind.

o yeah grats on the rack too