On one horrible day, you discover your saliva grants technology the ability to evolve in frightening, reality-bending ways.
No one really talks about how much technology goes into making sure we breath right.
No really. I mean it.
Breathalyzers are a common thing, but... there are people who use CPAPs to keep themselves breathing right in the night.
I'm such a person.
It's kind of a scary thing to think about, your breathing passages fucked up that you could choke on yourself as you sleep. But what I didn't realize about it, is that one's spit just gets all up in that machine.
So I woke up, pulled my mask off, got dressed, went to work.
I work in computer repair, generally as a contracted out gun, so if things go bad, the company axes me and saves face. It's bullshit, but that's capitalism for you. And as I'm working on this high end laptop, I sneeze because it's dusty.
Whatever, it happens right?
Till I start booting up for diagnostics.
Then the machine starts printing out new information. "Listen man, you gotta get me out of here. The guy using me is a creep.""
"What the fuck?" I mumble.
"Did I stutter?" Its screen prints out. "I'm talking to you fucko."
So... I call up the headquarters and ask for a depot.
I stop by the vending machines near the place, wanted something fast and easy to eat. Luckily the place had instant ricebowls on standby. Again I sneeze, again my spit makes contact with the Vending machine. "You know, you should mind your portions dear, you are in an at risk category for blood pressure issues." It starts talking to me.
"Bitch what?" I leave, not bothering to take the food.
Then I get home. In the living room is my CPAP machine, waiting. "Hey, we need to talk."