Re: worry, i actually feel like sometimes having anxiety over something is my brain's (ineffective) stopgap for wanting/needing to get something done, but not currently having the energy to do it.
Like, gods forbid i look at something, go, "i really need to get that done," put it on my to-do list, and then just. Let it sit there until i am having a day where i feel resourced enough to complete the task. No, of course i need to WORRY about it, i need to constantly self-flagulate about it or else......oh no.......i might be lazy.
Absolutely not helped at all by, 1.) My mom constantly calling me lazy in my teen years, but neither by 2.) Many posts describing executive functioning issues as Really wanting to do something but just Not being able to do it and Suffering over it and Not Being Able To Stop Thinking about it. Because, you know, the person is suffering! That's how you know they're not lazy! Lazy people just sit around not worrying about things!
Implying, of course, that if you're not worrying...then you are the lazy one.
But it turns out having anxiety over a task is not only unnecessary, but actively takes up mental energy that you could instead be saving up to actually complete the task that needs to be done.
Imagine.
This post activated my "you're right AND I'LL YELL EVEN LOUDER ABOUT HOW RIGHT YOU ARE" response so uhhh wall of loud cawing under the readmore
I Get It in terms of why things are like this but pathologizing laziness to the point where individual instances of inaction, including the tiniest and most unimportant ones, carry the weight of a Moral Wrong ranks somewhere on my list of Things That Are Wrong With Society Holy Shit Y'all This Does NOT Improve Outcomes!! (Note that like most of my stances I do not blame individuals for this– this is the kind of shit society used root access to install where you don't even know to look for it. It's very hard to even realize it's part of your world view!)
Can also confirm as someone who experiences executive dysfunction as "horrible prison where I am 100% aware of what needs doing and mysteriously prevented from doing any of it, resulting in miserable panic" that the solution is LESS ANXIETY, LESS BEATING YOURSELF UP OVER THINGS. Anxiety, like guilt, is a useful and productive emotion under VERY NARROW & FINITE CIRCUMSTANCES. Experiencing it over a specific event such that it prompts you to improve (reflecting on choices to make better ones next time, gaining more empathy so you'll be a better person later, committing to a better behavior, etc) = good, yes, you are harnessing the information this emotion has given you to have a better life going forward.
Feeling it in general or super frequently = all your energy is being wasted on Feel Bad without producing any tangible result. This tends to be a two-for-one deal: not only did you not get to use that energy on what you were trying to do, living in a Feel Bad state can itself sap you and make you even less effective.1
Obviously I am only one person and other people are different. But my experience is very much that anxiety & guilt are emotions that require an immediate "ok Lassie, did Timmy fall in the well?" and if I determine they're not going to result in some kind of tangible improvement/outcome– because there's nothing I can do, because I don't have the spoons today so it needs to get kicked down the road, whatever– they get thrown into the sun. Guilt and anxiety will fester faster than those fresh raspberries I bought, and I am sufficiently debuffed without opting into the emotional equivalent of food poisoning.
Anyways good luck OP, you sound like you're well on your way to a better life that sucks slightly less, and that's always a great thing to get one's hands on. ✨
- Lest anyone ask "what about anxiety disorders?" let me assure you I am horrendously well-acquainted with the kind of brain-chemistry-induced issues you cannot will yourself around or out of. That's why I feel so fucking strongly here: it's a disorder because it's making your life worse! I am merely detailing some of the "how" of that makes-things-worse here.