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i'm losing my mind, i've always felt this way and never heard it vocalized so concisely
Anxiety Abundant, Deeply Depressive
- She / Her
Trans bird girl trying her best! 26, Ace, and looking for ways to retry my younger years.
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in reply to @silverchangeling's post:
what's really screwing with me, about this completely on-point and accurate description of some of our own issues, is the realization of just how much pain we have been inflicting on ourselves—even in this very day and hour—because we can clearly remember a time when we were better at faking 'normal'.
"I grieve with thee..."
~Chara
man, this resonates, thank you for this post. ive been recently going through sort of like a feralization process with my autism where i'm just allowing myself to be the undomesticated autistic person i wanted to be before a lifetime of social abuse pushed me into a box of masking out of self defense for my entire young adult life. the octopus is out of its cage, "normal person training" works about as well as conversion therapy
Heck, I’m feeling this right now. I’m still figuring out what it means to actually be myself. It doesn’t seem like most people want to see or be near that person, tbh. And I don’t mean that in an ‘I’m a purposeful asshole’ way.
Damn. I’d never taken the time to deep dive into our issues like this but now that you say it, yeah, that tracks. Like, wherever I go I get ignored. I’m the outsider. I don’t get pulled into conversations much. And when I do I leave or figuratively get kicked out quickly cuz Idk what I’m talking about, cuz it’s never one of my interests. Those aren’t on the ‘okay for casual conversation’ list. That list is… super freaking short, actually. Cuz most people don’t want to know how a bunch of Water types in Gen 3 got shafted by their own level up movepool, or why you should never play Dragonite in Pokémon TCG for GBC, or… Idk, I just woke up and I’m hungry, thinking is hard. 😵💫
Sorry for the rambling wall of text, this really connected with me today and I had to say something. Seriously, thank you for posting this, I appreciate you speaking about being an outsider well. I didn’t even know I had an ‘okay for casual conversation’ list before now. Not an actually formulated one.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a personality. I don't have an opinion about anything, everything is just fine and I don't really like or hate anything in particular... It's like I'm protecting myself from getting attacked so hard that I never form my own ideas in the first place
