Having done so, I think I prefer dealing with the perceived -10 trans swag debuff in exchange for people not having to deal with constant bad faith arguments with tme people.
But it's not a solution that gets us anywhere!! We want to go out and have friends and experience community with other trans people and I know that there are good people out there!
I hate having to play this game of trust where I could let someone who's tme know I'm transfem and gamble on whether or not I will end up having to put up with worse treatment when I do.
It's unfair!
And I really do mean it when I say that. It's wild how much my mental health has improved ever since I began passing, because it feels like I'm being protected by a spell or something.
People suddenly stop trying to have gotcha-conversations about feminism with me and whatnot, sure. But you wanna know the biggest problem??
TRANS PEOPLE TREAT ME BETTER LIKE THIS.
It's sincerely wild to me that the safest way for me to engage with the broader (non-transfem) trans community is to not let them know I'm trans. The cost is having to be somewhat closeted to achieve this, and erradicating any hope of being visible to other transfem folks.
Your average bigot is at least honest about being a bigot, which makes it easy for me to avoid and ignore.
Those who harass you within the community, though? They know how to play the game, they'll coat their language with social-justice speak, cover their intentions with plausible deniability. They know that acting innocent gets them places, and they also know that if they make vulnerable people act out, they can play the victim.
And it works.
