I'M AWAKE. I was so incredibly tired earlier good god, I felt like just dissociating in the shower for a bit and then after that I got into bed and passed out.
now I feel like I still I don't know how to dissociate on purpose but I gave it my best effort, I just started making up that I was some other nameless voice and that I clocked out for a minute while I left it on autopilot washing up and stuff. It felt weird but at the same time comforting having a voice just guiding me through the showering experience, like it told me (or I told myself) to just stay away for a bit that it would take care of things, then wash my hair, then shave because that needed to be done too. I know my face must've looked ridiculous, just had the heaviest expression without trying to focus on anything besides going through the motions. I kept trying to think about shit I was worriying about earlier with health insurance and living being expensive and bullshit but I just kept saying "no. go away you can start worrying again about that later". I got a drawing idea I'd love to do out of the experience too, I was imagining Ash (my sona) sitting on a stool naked taking a shower and one of her pals is washing her hair and she's all soapy and her hair is over her eyes (like it can represent me literally not wanting to focus on anything).

