trying to imagine what it'd be like dating while plural, but like. not every headmate is dating the other partner. feels like that'd be too complicated.
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in reply to @Foxtrot68's post:
yeah, it feels weird and exclusionary to date only some of someones system... Me and my wife are both plural, and dating all of eachother (except the littles of course, who we treat as daughters :3 )
aww that's adorable. I know a system who does that too.. it's good to take care of your own and give them love like that.
If you're curious, I can speak on this a little? I'm singlet, but I was dating my partnersys since before their syscovery, and we've reconfigured things after. While all of the system members know who I am, I am not dating all of them, and that's by their choice.
Shortest version is just that not everyone feels that way toward me, because they are all different people. I'm not their type, or they're indifferent to romance, or they're an incompatible age, or any number of things. That's not to say I don't care about the members I'm not dating. I'm physically affectionate with many of them, have close relationships with the folks who are out most often, and generally act as a Safe Person when any of them need one. Cohabitation also means we have to at least aim for good coexistence, even with folks who are ornery or may not like me. But yeah, that's the overall gist.
thank you for sharing! I suppose we weren't thinking of stuff like age incompatibility or tastes. we're all very similar here so it was mostly thinking about like.. the best way everyone would be happy. I appreciate knowing others have wildly different experiences.
Npnp. The huge variance in experiences is one of the neat things about plurality.
I'd be lying if I said this wasn't complicated, juggling this many preferences and boundaries. But it's also just become part of my normal life, and I already had ways of dealing with physical affection when my partner didn't want to be touched. Having a better idea of the reasons for why has made it easier in a lot of ways, and recognizing each person when they're out has made my own behavior-swapping more automatic. I like getting to love each person in the way that fits them, I like the depth it has brought my life to know each of them separately. That's not to say a whole-system relationship is a bad thing - it's a lovely time being shared between the three I am dating, and systems who are close to people tend to develop complex networked relationships between each member and the person (especially if the other person is plural too!) It's just that not all the links in mine are romantic. Yours could be, and I hope you do get someone who can love each of you together.
didn't know how to reply to this but reading it has made me smile. thank you for the kind words at the end <3
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