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We're your average trans wolf girl(s) furry artists.
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stopping to think about how I haven't talked with my mother since october last year, wow.

I blocked her on whatsapp after she offered to "help" with my autism after denying outright I was autistic the day before. Also her "help" is some magic healing crap related to self hypnosis, because of course. She called me once since then and I didn't pick up because I was busy, then nothing until I got a christmas present, which she left at my door essentially, so I got a note, some chocolates and some lingerie. Maybe I should've called to say thanks but I still feel deeply offended by what she tried to do and would like an apology, an apology that's never going to come.


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in reply to @Foxtrot68's post:

imo you can probably "afford" (in terms of mental energy) calling her once to thank her; you never know what might have happened.

assuming best case scenario here: some parents straight up don't know how to deal with something and are still trying to help, and your mother still seems to love and care about you if she still made you a gift after months of absence. there's still the possibility of her having gotten assistance and now knowing more of the subject, with regret associated with her actions.

maybe this gift was her apology. after all she's blocked so she didn't really have a variety of choices to get in touch with you, and yet she chose to make you a kind gift without bothering you. if i had to count all the people i know who would still attempt giving a little something after being blocked/dismissed for so long, it would be less than the fingers in one hand. what she did looked quite frankly amazing, and i feel a bit sad for her now.

obviously i don't know anything about your life, but in general "expecting apologies" is quite a poor concept because of how many of such situations are actually misunderstandings; the other party is not in your head and might not understand about the need to do such a thing.

and in the event she didn't change, well, one call to confirm that shouldn't hurt you too much, imo. you can just call in to get news from her, see how she's doing, what's she's been up to lately, and then talk about what happened that month and how bad you've been feeling after this. i don't mean this badly but "behave like an adult" and speak with her transparently, because she's not in your head and might not understand your needs. if the only time you actually told her that what she actually said hurt you was the day you blocked her from whatsapp, there's definitely been a natural miscommunication (due to feeling heated, happens to everyone).

i don't blame you here but i think there's wrongs on both sides, which is how 99% of situations work! don't feel bad about having made a potential mistake, that's the best way to learn (sadly).

best of luck for everything though, i hope for the best for both of you.

I can afford to, sure, but do I want to? Not really.

She seems to care but she never learned how to show love, it's always been gifts, and food, but those don't form any emotional connection, I barely spoke to her when we were on speaking terms, she'd dominate the coversation talking about her things and never ask a simple "how are you doing", or when she did I'd give a short answer and she'd be back to talking about herself. About assistance, my mother doesn't learn or regret things she did, in her eyes she did nothing wrong, that's why I said the apology will never come. If she got any sort of assistance, it will have been from other people who teach her the magic healing.

That gift wasn't an apology in my eyes, it didn't say anything on the note, just a merry christmas and new years message. Getting a gift after months of nothing felt really weird and I wish she would've just talked to me. She knows where I live (as she left the gift here), she has my number, but that day she just dropped it off and went away. It's not that she didn't bother me, it's that I would've welcomed some effort that wasn't that.

One call wouldn't hurt me but again... why bother. I don't want to hear news from her, that's all I hear her talk about, how she's paying this guy another exorbiatant sum of money to take magic healing courses. I don't feel bad specifically, just weird. Part of me is very glad she's not in my life anymore because she contributed nothing of value or gave me any emotional support, and another feels regret which is natural because not having a good relationship with your parents just sucks. I don't have a decent relationship with either of my parents.

I appreciate you writing that message but yeah I don't have any immediate plans to call her back. This incident was just the last straw, if you know what I mean.