So she was trying some kind of therapy where she asks me to relive events while waving her hand in front of my face, and after about 45ish minutes of it not making any progress she started asking me questions:
Her: Do you have specific positive memory you could think about?
Me: No, not really.
Her: Anything from your childhood maybe?
Me: No, nothing.
Her: Ok... How do you relax?
Me: I don't really.
Her: Ok... How about a favorite food?
Me: I don't really have one anymore. (Covid fucked up my sense of taste and has never fully recovered)
Her: Ok, well how about chocolate? Everyone loves chocolate.
Me: I can't have chocolate.
Her: Really?
Me: I am pre-diabetic.
Her: Well there's dark chocolate.
Me: I don't like the taste.
Her: Ok that's fair, it does taste like garbage, what about... Your cat? You like your cat.
Me: Voice cracking and starting to tear up I had two cats, one died a few months ago...
Her: Oof... You are giving me a run for my money... Tell me about your cat who passed away.
Me: Talks about my cat, and how I tried to adopt another and was denied adopting a kitten for unclear reasons
Her: Wow, ok well... Let's just think about the good times with your cat, and what you would do if he was still alive...
Me: Full on crying now
After that she tried the hand wave thing again but ended up giving up seeing that it was CLEARLY not working, we had a short discussion about my financial stress right now, she made a couple suggestions to help with that, and then our session was over.
I think it's no surprise to anyone that my life SUCKS, and always has. But when people really sit down and listen to my life story it becomes very clear just how MUCH it sucks, and becomes clear when I was begging for help and got ignored by everyone, and kinda still do get ignored or put down. Often times with a "I don't have time for you" or "People don't want to hear it" and... That sucks. But when you really sit down and listen to my whole story it becomes clear just how much it all sucks and why I am the way I am.