Ex-Wife (who was a Psych major): With most people, uneducated about mental health and just the world in general, cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful. The problem is you are smart and self aware, and while the PRINCIPLES of cognitive behavioral therapy apply, how it is practiced in most instances is going to be reductive and absolutely inappropriate.
Cognitive Behavioral therapy is really there to get people to zone out and function in capitalism.
Me (sorrowful): Did I tell you I made my last therapist cry?
Ex: Congrats! You won therapy!
Now stop doing that.
If your therapist is too programmed to the rote methodology to keep up with you, leave her to the others and find a different therapist. Other folks need their therapists.
Me: So I need to queue for Psychotherapy (Extreme)?
Ex: Yep. If you really want to look into changing your behavior, you need to work with a PTSD therapist. You will wiggle out of every cognitive behavioral modification a normal therapist will try to help you with. You need to deal with the underlying strong icky emotions that drive your bad coping cycles, and learn to /sit/ with them. It will feel like agony at first, and then get bearable. It will never be perfect. Eventually though, you will feel yourself growing new parts of yourself, like a tree that was dormant, finally coming alive again. You will have parts of yourself to love alongside the parts of yourself that you hate. Downside there is no perfect solution. Bright side, even if we're not perfect, at least there will be progress.
Also... you know that meme of "I don't want to make him better, I want to make him worse?"
Me: I would like to be able to smile now and again and better cope.
Yes.
I know the meme.
Ex: It is going to make you a "worse" person for the world in some ways
Me: Embrace the selfish thoughts.
Ex: Kind of, yes.
Me: Because they are self preserving.
Rather than sacrificing myself for everyone else.
Because that is ‘what I should do'.
Ex: Eyyyyyy! You got it!
Cognitive Behavioral therapy is really there to get people to zone out and function in capitalism.
Me (sorrowful): Did I tell you I made my last therapist cry?
Ex: Congrats! You won therapy!
Now stop doing that.
If your therapist is too programmed to the rote methodology to keep up with you, leave her to the others and find a different therapist. Other folks need their therapists.
Me: So I need to queue for Psychotherapy (Extreme)?
Ex: Yep. If you really want to look into changing your behavior, you need to work with a PTSD therapist. You will wiggle out of every cognitive behavioral modification a normal therapist will try to help you with. You need to deal with the underlying strong icky emotions that drive your bad coping cycles, and learn to /sit/ with them. It will feel like agony at first, and then get bearable. It will never be perfect. Eventually though, you will feel yourself growing new parts of yourself, like a tree that was dormant, finally coming alive again. You will have parts of yourself to love alongside the parts of yourself that you hate. Downside there is no perfect solution. Bright side, even if we're not perfect, at least there will be progress.
Also... you know that meme of "I don't want to make him better, I want to make him worse?"
Me: I would like to be able to smile now and again and better cope.
Yes.
I know the meme.
Ex: It is going to make you a "worse" person for the world in some ways
Me: Embrace the selfish thoughts.
Ex: Kind of, yes.
Me: Because they are self preserving.
Rather than sacrificing myself for everyone else.
Because that is ‘what I should do'.
Ex: Eyyyyyy! You got it!