Last October, I visited a theme park all by myself. I stayed there for about 12 hours and I took over 2000 pictures while doing assignments time to time. It was neat for easing myself over failing midterms and piling assignments. But when I get to talk about this experience with others (for the pictures), I had to wrap it as 'a tragedy of a college boy in crisis' because they pitied me. While I'm not sure how 'sad' that experience actually is, such reactions have been something that discomforted me.
The sense of 'groupism' in South Korea - yearning to be together for all possible occasions and share personal spaces altogether in my case and view - has greatly decreased since the 2010s and the epidemic, but I would still hear my parents and adults I meet getting worried over me eating lunch and dinner alone for days and I get to be seen as a recluse over not contacting or meeting people in real life regularly (for almost no matter what). I must try my best to maintain connections with people I'm acquainted with, and also deal with their shitty sides as long as they are 'moderate' pain. They fear that I might end up as a 'loser' if I become comfortable with being alone - playing video games and doing social media all day in my room instead of meeting others and sharing 'precious moments' for 'better life'.
I think this 'groupism' is one of the reasons why I became less and less sociable as time went by - as the experiences of constant toxic relationship made me develop insurmountable amount of social anxiety instead of becoming more comfortable. I remember having to invite my classmates at least once a month despite their mockery and bullying during my elementary school period. Even to this date I still have to maintain relationships with people that discomfort me over the random trash talks such as homophobia - who make me feel helpless as the only thing I can do for them is speaking a single 'ah'.
One thing I'm glad is that such 'groupism' is dying - eating alone is no longer on the 'loser scale' chart and it's fine to not indulge in alcohol for college club and party dinners. But not only that the process is slow, I still strongly feel that there's a social view of considering alone to be something 'less' than being together here. Being together is something to romanticize about - new relationships, maybe an intimate one - and being alone is for those socially inept, yet to be socialized, and not living the life to the fullest.
It's not that I'm always fine with being alone, I do crave for relationships, heartful conversations, and intimate moments. It's that I wish I don't get to be seen as a 'loser' for when I do things and activities by myself. I wish this whole nation gets to realize at least that not all 'lonely' people out here are completely content with oneself and have given up with sociability, and that there are those who are making their own efforts to socialize while finding values in doing some things in solitude. But I don't know when will that realization come.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy the pictures I took at that day which are my favorites throughout my life in photography so far.