IcedCocoa

For this July-August, I paid for commissions to develop my OC/Sona.

And in the meantime, I also drew some artwork in a fanart way. During these works I rambled to myself about how I have considered (and am considering) drawings and the meaning of art in my life.

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I think my adore in drawings started when I wasn't even in kindergarten yet. Living with my now-late grandmother, I was able to constantly experience artworks from the ones she have created to visiting museums, along with her helps whenever I tried to draw things. While most of my daily life back then were spent on playing web flash and shockwave games, I always dreamed of becoming a person who would make a living by drawing.

At about my 1st grade, a lot happened in car industry. Audi dazzled people with the release of Audi R8, and Kia put a slogan "DESIGN? DE?💡GN!" after calling in Peter Schreyer as Chief Design Officer. Car design became an important matter to everyone, and I learned about a career called 'car designer'.

As soon as I learned about car designers, I thought it's my perfect and ultimate career path. Getting to combine my love for cars and drawing couldn't sound more spectacular. From then I would time to time draw cars, or at least doodle whatever things in my mind, and constantly read articles about what takes to be a car designer. I thought I was on good tracks as adults around me (parents, teachers, etc) would encourage and motivate me for having a solid career dream from early age.
At about 10th grade, I suddenly lost the motivation. I started to feel that despite my interest, my skills nor efforts are still not so far off from my elementary school, and most crucially, I didn't like what I draw. Seeing tens and hundreds of cars distorted due to perspective failure, and seeing what others did - from youtube to my artist friends - I felt that I won't able to live by what & how I draw. And that feeling was enough to conclude myself as "I'm just bad at drawing" for about five years.

_{Get ready for a lot of quotations here!}
It was only at about last year, when I re-realized that I can draw just for fun, not for my life. But this also has left me thinking in what ways am I connecting myself to the 'art I adore'. While having photography as my main motivation, I can't help feeling that drawing is where I can "actually" connect with the art - as it involves much more effort, stress, and expression than taking a picture, even when all the photo editing process is considered. I don't know how & if I can get close to the artists who draw with my photography. And then I wonder if I'm considering photography as an 'alternative' to the drawing - from the time matter to the stress I take.

So that was my thought dump. With all that said, I'm happy that I have surrounded my daily life with the talented artists and their works at least by the online space, and experience what it's like to just empty my mind and draw during this august.