YOU – Wow, I never went on a date with anybody famous before...
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Tch. If you knew who I am, who I really am, you wouldn’t want to be in that chair across from me.
YOU – Well that’s why I asked you here, to learn more about you. Do you have any hobbies?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Hobbies are for those who live a life not marked for death. That is not me. I am always working towards my mission, and that mission is the Chaos Emeralds.
YOU - Oh, so you like jewelry?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Heh, I am not some damn teenager obsessed with trinkets.
YOU – But you just said you like emeralds.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – The Chaos Emeralds.
YOU – Yeah, are those like for earrings or something?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – You don’t know what the Chaos Emeralds are?
YOU – No, not really.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Seriously? How is that even possible? The Chaos Emeralds are the most powerful objects in the known universe. With their power I can achieve Chaos Control.
YOU – Oh okay.
WAITER – Would you like anything to drink?
YOU – I’ll have a sparkling water.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – My thirst can only be quenched by revenge. But I will have a Mountain Dew Code Red.
WAITER – Very good sir.
YOU – So, you seem to be really into chaos then.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – It is my destiny.
YOU – I don’t know if I really believe in destiny. I think we are put on this Earth for reasons beyond our understanding, and then it’s our job to just muddy through and make meaning of it.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Tch, this is why I don’t do things like this. I was LITERALLY created to be the ultimate life form. Before I even set foot on this planet my destiny was carved into stone.
YOU – You’re not from Earth?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – No, I was born in space. I came to Earth after you humans forced me here, after the death of Professor Robotnik, and Maria...
YOU – Oh god, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to get so heavy so quickly.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I did not expect you to understand.
WAITER – Here is your water, and your Code Red. What will we be having for our main course?
YOU – Ooh, the pappardelle looks fantastic! But I’ve heard the ossobuco is to die for here. What do you think?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I am fine with the Mountain Dew.
YOU – You’re not going to eat anything?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I agreed to this silly ritual, but I do not see the need to prolong it.
YOU – Fine. Well I will have the ossobuco then. And please bring two sets of silverware.
WAITER – Of course.
YOU – I get the feeling you’re not in relationships very often.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Those connections only hold me back.
YOU – It seems like you’re trying to protect yourself.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Heh, I do not need protection.
YOU – But look at how worried you are about opening up even a little to me. I’m trying to understand you more and you’re actively sabotaging that with your attitude.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Fool. It is you that I am protecting. I may seem to you like some of the other creatures you see here, but I am not. I am the ultimate lifeform. And that comes with risks to anybody who is close to me.
YOU – You said you had people close to you pass.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I don’t want to talk about it.
YOU – We already are.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – And what good is that doing, mulling over it, huh? I cannot bring them back with words, I can only honor them through my actions.
YOU – It was the same for me when my grandparents passed. At first I hated talking about them cause it did nothing but fill me with so much sorrow, and nothing came from it but more pain. But the more that I did I found myself actually becoming closer to them, because then they seemed to be involved in my life and decisions again.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I am sorry for your loss.
YOU – I am for yours too. How is the Mountain Dew?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – It is a damn good vintage.
WAITER – And here is your food. Watch the plate, it is hot to the touch.
YOU – Mmm! Oh my god, Shadow, you have got to try this.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Well, I guess a little couldn’t hurt…RRRRGH!!! This can’t be!
YOU – Careful! Your hand’s on the plate!
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I guess I'm not at full power here.
YOU – So? What do you think?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Hmph. Perfect.
YOU – I’m glad. Please, take as much as you want. It’s for the both of us.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I thank you for your kindness. I am not used to such a show of generosity.
YOU – I get the feeling you have been hurt by others.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Yes, sometimes. But often I am the one who is doing the hurting. For years it was a show of pride, proof not only of the abilities I have but also allowing me to take back what was taken from me by force here. I almost destroyed the world you know.
YOU – You mean you came here from space to blow up the Earth?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Well I thought that’s what they wanted from me, once. But I made a promise to Maria, a promise to protect this planet.
YOU – So you were LITERALLY put on this Earth, for a reason that you did not understand, then spent time figuring it out and eventually made meaning of your life here?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – ...
YOU – Seems like I understood that after all.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Perhaps you are a worthy adversary.
WAITER – The check. Thank you for dining with us this evening.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – I got it.
YOU – No, please. I ordered more than you, you didn’t even get a dinner.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – The ossobuco was for two, no? You know, I had a really nice time.
YOU – Me too. Would you like see each other again?
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG – Sorry, I kinda got this thing with a big titty bat lady and I don’t want to mess that up.