I think the obvious solution is to switch between what I would consider the two “intuitive” answers (1st and 5th on your list) based on the characteristics of the numbers. (a + b) can only fail in cases when both numbers are of the same sign, while (high - low) can only fail in cases where both numbers have different signs.
It would be nicer to have a single equation for it though. I'm going to be thinking about this all day aren't I, damn.