Interurban Era

My partner said this to me years ago, and it's been deeply helpful to guide navigating the contemporary internet. It's been a nice way to build a healthy boundary between the digital & corporeal world too. Next time you feel compelled to Post™ just think this instead, and move on. You don't owe the internet anything.

This might sound a bit depressing, but it's not meant to be. Other people's expectations can be difficult to live up to, but many times we create impossible expectations or goals for ourselves just by silently watching and comparing ourselves to others.

Based on my own life experiences, I have come to decide that it's ok to be socially awkward. I used to believe that I would eventually grow out of this, and would one day just know how to interact with people, as if a switch had been turned on, but that has not been the case. That's ok. I'm not good with people, and there are many things I am not good at. So I've decided to refocus my self-awareness around things that I enjoy / make me happy as opposed to talents.

This has proven to be a lot less upsetting and disappointing. It also allows me to focus on things that give my life meaning, joy, and balance, instead of glancing around in fear, wondering how far behind everybody else I might be. I wonder if a lot of folks on this website feel the same way. No one is a burden.

And I do see a lot of talent on this website, no doubt. It is also untrue that just because a person is not good at something now, that they will not become better at it. Practicing at artwork, coding, metal working, a musical instrument, often leads to genuine ability, and mastery.

But it is also ok to not be especially good at anything. It's ok to simply enjoy staring at trees, or the sky, to enjoy sipping coffee, or listening to music. It is ok to enjoy life as opposed to master things. It is alright to build a sense of awareness around what makes you happy as opposed to what you are good at. If you can master being made happy by small things and being grateful for those small things, perhaps you have become truly good at something after all.

😊🤎🪔🌿

I'm so deeply happy you discovered this too. I've been doing this as well, I began realizing in my late 20's that certain aspects of my core self were immutable, and forcing a solution would continue to end in failure.

Things I'm actively bad at and decided to abandon in favor of further refining things I'm good at include:

• Singing (Abysmal at it, laughably so)

• Endurance sports or things that require high lung capacity (nope)

• Instrument playing that requires aforementioned lung capacity. (Or really any music, but being surrounded by musical friends, I can inspire/produce ideas and then have them execute them gorgeously)

• Lines, Queues, & Waiting in Public. (Immediately abandon unless there's a call/text when ready feature, online purchase option or functional reservation system.)

• Drinking Gin based alcohol (yecch, never again.)

• Trying to "fix" someone or give advice with the expectation they'll actually take it. (oof)

• Math other than Geometry (dyscalculia sucks. Literally reading the correct number & THEN my brain has the audacity to then enter it into the bloody calculator out of order... pinches bridge of nose in frustration I've now outsourced all consequential math to smartypants friends who love math, and in turn I help them with art & design stuff they're often struggling with.)

Letting go of these and leaning into my strengths has opened up so much time and emotional bandwith to further improve pursuits I love, strengthen friendships through collaboration with things I'm bad at, and finding focus in my life.

It's all still VERY much a work in progress, and I'm sure there's other things I totally suck at too.