Unfortunately the article actually just stops after that last sentence and never reveals the dark truth about birthday cake candles nor does it ever give a fifth reason not to celebrate your birthday.
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in reply to @shel's post:
the really evangelical ones are like this about everything. some of them dont even like their own fuckin holidays. my evangelical protestant grandmother hates christmas (santa is NOT jesus. he is a FRAUD), and easter (easter bunny is NOT jesus. he is a BUNNY)... and she hates halloween (devil worship) but that one at least makes some sense (i do be worshipping some devils)
from what I understand this is a jehovah's witness thing in particular but I really do feel this "god does not allow christians to have fun" sentiment hard
(also yeah I actually did go a few years without celebrating christmas and totally accepted it. times were tough as a son of evangelical parents)
my grandparents arent even jehovahs witnesses. but i think they were right about the santa shit actually. i mean who the fuck is this guy
oh no I was talking about the birthday thing lmao. everything you outlined in your comment is absolutely on par with crazy evangelicals
After the first image, I was prepared to read some wild things. I was not prepared for skull measuring.