I'm very happy that cohost exists now. I'm happy that I have a group of friends who I can see in person and online regularly. I am happy that I watched a lot of movies this year, most with friends online. I am happy that I made jokes and laughed a lot and that my apartment feels warm and cozy and home now.
I am still frustrated at the pace of change happening everywhere in my life, both professionally and personally. I am disappointed with many decisions made with my employer, both some that I had a hand in and those that I did not. I am ambivalent still about working for a company that does not share my values.
I'm happy that my job lets me be relatively comfortable, financially. I am happy that my job feels productive. I am happy that I like my team and that for once I feel like we have a future that feels attainable and worth striving toward. I am happy that I feel like I "have" "a career" now and it's one that, other than the day-to-day annoyances, I generally like.
I am worried about the state of the world. I dislike that I have become someone who is afraid of travel, afraid of leaving the house, afraid of disease and bodily collapse. I am sad that I feel like growing older makes me more hyper-aware of the ways in which my body requires more rest than I'd prefer it would.
I am furious on a deep level always, for my heroes are dead and my enemies are in power. I am angry at the american government and the many evil governments of the world and fascists, and none of this is new but it is still the case. I am angry about the state of unwalkable cities and I am angry about the lack of social services in this country. I am angry at our leaders for doing so little, for doing nothing so often.
I am happy that this year I dove more into learning about history. I am happy that I now take such satisfaction from learning about what humans were doing hundreds and thousands of years ago. I am happy that I can locate myself and our historical moment within a great tapestry of human history and that knowing that makes things feel more surmountable, or at least survivable. I am happy that I have discovered this fascination and that it's something that will inform me in basically all ways in the future.
I wish I had written more, I wish I had more energy for projects that are not directly work-related. I wish I had made more games this year. I wish I had made more art this year, in general.
All of these things are true!! All of these things are true!!! 2023 will not change everything in the same way that any new year does not change everything but it will be a new year!! and a new year is a new year!!
