ItsMeLilyV

Game Designer & Lesbian Devil


Creator of lesbian romance boss rush
BOSSGAME: The Final Boss is My Heart ๐Ÿ’–


I make games about women trying their best


Banner by Iva the Human


We've done our best.
I guess I can be satisfied with that.
The fighting isn't over, and really, it never will be.
But with you by my side, I think I can handle it.

Whether it's with a warm fire or a kind rain...
We'll build a home we can be proud of.


a button:
itsmelilyv_88x31


๐Ÿ˜ˆ BOSSGAME on Steam
tinyurl.com/3w55au8k
โš”๏ธ all of my games
lilyv.itch.io/
๐Ÿ’Œ my mailing list
buttondown.com/ItsMeLilyV
๐Ÿ“š my website
itsmelilyv.com/
๐Ÿ“ฎ my email
lilycoregames@gmail.com

highimpactsex
@highimpactsex

I have complicated feelings about the demise of Cohost.

On the positive side, it has rejuvenated my blogging spirit. Before Cohost, I was burnt out on writing: I was being plagiarized, getting terrible comments, obsessively checking stats, and so on. Cohost's strange system allowed me to write again, to not give a shit what people thought, and to just assume that I could write my own thoughts without fear of repercussions. It was also where I learned to meet new people of all kinds.

On the other hand, Cohost remains a social media platform. I still see the same Twitter drama (especially when it's imported) that I despise, a lot of social justice discourse that goes nowhere, and just a lot of "online" behavior that I'm sick of.


ItsMeLilyV
@ItsMeLilyV

i agree with a lot of what kastel's said here.

i think cohost definitely tempers some of the bad parts of the modern internet - seeing something get Likes is still a cheap thrill, but it's not as bad as seeing everyone else's numbers, too. the same hateful people and the same rotbrained arguments exist, but i saw far less of them, so... better? maybe? but not amazing. i've met great friends here, but i don't actually talk to them here.

i don't have it in me to abandon social media entirely. i still want people to see my work, to make games and see them played by others. i want to reach people, and share things with them, to speak to them and hear them speak in return. i think i would feel terribly lonely, posting into the void, unaware if anyone was seeing me at all...

but cohost going under is really making me think about how i approach the internet, and what i want. even on cohost, i still suffer from the addiction to daily notifications, from the hope that a post will Go Big. i am so happy that people enjoy the things i make, but i don't think i always appreciate it the way i should. i've never been able to fully rise above wanting more; i get petty, pathetic, jealous, greedy.

my brain has been molded by 20 years of little red dots. i think that even if a world of webrings and newsletters and personal sites of blogs and art galleries were the norm, in my current state, i wouldn't be able to really appreciate it... not to say that we shouldn't try, but that it's going to take a lot of work to twist myself into a healthier shape.


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in reply to @highimpactsex's post:

For what it is worth, reading this helped me sort out my feelings on the same thing - I came to cohost to read people going all out on their fixations in a relatively judgment-free zone, compared to other socmed, but it's all still socmed. The truly free ones are almost devoid of viewer interaction entirely, but to an extent we all crave validation too.

Socmed isn't itself evil but it has changed how we interface with the world, with our peers (and not-peers), and changed our expectation for it too, compared to the "old internet" that nobody can seem to agree on... which I suspect was simply more isolated and personalized than we can even fathom after almost decades of centralized "new internet".

I would like to fix my brain and divorce "indulging in my interests" from "indulging in community" so they stop being dependent on each other, and I wish you luck doing the same.

in reply to @ItsMeLilyV's post:

The part about being addicted to notifications rings very true to me. Lately I've realized I still had some of the bad habits twitter imbued in me. Not as extreme, but still there. I see people mentioning how many hundreds of people have signed up for their mailing list in the past week, and I wish I wouldnt feel jealous about it.

yea, same here, honestly. it's hard not to get jealous when you can compare numbers so directly and easily... it's so easy to start underappreciating everything

we all hate numbers, but we all want numbers, and it's even harder to ignore as we try to sell games for money... i never can never quite settle on a healthy distance.