Jaelights

Slooping dupes over here

Succinct transbien musician behind Lorelei and the Ghost.
Bring me your finest Yuris!





Music Links:
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@Jaelights
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/jaelights
BandCamp:
https://jaelights.bandcamp.com/



Writing:
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Jaelights



Business Email if you want music:
loreleiandtheghost@gmail.com



Profile Pic by @nomnomnami


My calendar is, yet again, showing me a little reminder titled "Make HRT Appointment". I've put it off about 4 times so far, this is probably going to be my 5th because I honestly don't feel like I have the mental capacity for it today.

It's such a weird thing, it's just a phone call, right? Heh, well... A lot of y'all seem to be either trans or know someone who is, so you all know that that particular phone call isn't just any old phone call. The action, in and of itself, is kinda symbolic of a lot of things.

After all, it's the first thing you choose to do that you can't easily take back. I can let my leg hair grow back, I can stop carrying a purse, I can cut my hair and stop dying it. I can stop trying to speak in a higher register. And, even though I find the thought revolting, I could go back to masculine pronouns. I mean I could, I won't, but it's possible to do all of that.

But once I start "redistributing fat", as my endo likes to call it, you are making a change you really can't easily take back.

The fact it can't be easily reversed, for me at least, makes it feels like I'm looking in the mirror and saying to myself, "do you really hate this look so much that you're willing to risk your relationship with your family and perhaps your career as well? And at 40? You're pretty well entrenched as a person, right? You've struggled with being treated like an outsider your whole life! Is getting your body in line with your brain really so important that you'd throw that out the window?"

I'd love to say the answer is a simple "yes" but if that were true, I wouldn't be putting it off now would I?

I know I know, we all go through this process. There's always a lot of apprehension before you finally put your foot down. And it's ridiculous because I know, given a little time, the answer will be "fuck yeah" and I'll pickup the phone to call the endo and set up the appointment.

I know that's going to happen.

Just not today...

Weird, isn't it?


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in reply to @Jaelights's post:

I started HRT and paused after a few weeks because I got a lil freaked out. A couple weeks after that I started again and have been consistent since. Just a friendly reminder that yes it's a big decision, but really, every dose is optional. Good luck <3