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Tabletop, video games, sports and maybe someday some other things if I get the ambition to learn.

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Every time there's a racism/sexism/transphobia Discourse on here, I am always hyper vigilant of myself and try to think back of like 'oh no did I fuck up oh no' off and on during it.

I know the discourses aren't about me or anything, but I always worry that I'm fucking up somewhere lmao. I suppose being vigilant of that is better than going "no I'm right about everything I've said unless I've actively said otherwise"

Part of this is tied to the anxiety I have had for years of "Am I a good person or do I only act like a good person because that's what you're supposed to do and you want to be seen as a good person and earn the very-real Good Boy Points".


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in reply to @Jama's post:

That last bit reminds me of where the term virtue signaling came from before it got taken by the far right. Originally it was meant as someone who is... let's say caring more about the appearance of doing the right thing than the substance of it. Trying to be good is less important than people seeing you being good, etc.

One of the biggest moments of realizing I had grown up was I fucked up, and rather than beat myself up over it I just skipped to the end and went okay- let's do better. The flagellation is spectacle for no one, it just hurts you. and it sucks because you know this, we all know this. all i can say is eventually i got to a point where i was able to just realize it was pointless on some things and skip over it.

you are human. you are going to fuck up. you are going to hurt people. just accept that and try your best from there, ya know?