so i was just about to out myself casually to a coworker, as you do... but then i bailed on that before even walking up to them..

finally i sat back down after pacing back and forth a bit and had a think.

so.... i want to. but i also want to, to the whole company, and there is just one or maybe two reasons not to do that right now. had to try to simulate the convo i would have had with coworker... of course i have no idea how they would react as i dont really know them, or anyone else in the comp really.. except for my immediate superior... and when that thought hit, i end up thinking i shouldnt. not to them. not to the company: not as a pal and friend outing themselfs to pals and friends, but matter of fact stating the facts, laying down the paperwork for theoretical papertiger support...

but. i dont like this, at least not in case of coworkers 1 and 2 or a handfull of others. they are all nice, never one bit of oof coming from them (so far) and i dont really need that papertiger in my pocket to tell them what really goes on in my mind

but i dont feel ready. and that is the point. the thought at which i finally arrived: eventually coworker1 will come back and find things have changed. and then things will result from that and i can say: sorry you had to find out this way, even though you were really friendly to me, i just wasn't really ready yet. so just in case things go south instead of north, i want to have some backup. not in the form of someone holding my hand while i tell a third, but in the form of "look, let's say it is a really important topic for me and i got me this card and me having this card should proove that im serious about this. and i really would like you to see me as the person that i am, instead of what my name suggests."

...on another hand there is this uncanny feeling regarding ordering an auxiliary id document for that... and to top it of: in germany.