It’s a bit strange.
Between jobs at the moment. Got another one lined up, just need to move out to a closer place. Most stress is from apartment hunting right now, but it’s nothing compared to my old job. Maybe that’s why I… just don’t have the urge to be more fem.
I wasn’t that fem before tbh. I had some fem clothes I’d change into after work. I had nail polish I’d wear on my days off. I’d try to voice train at least once a day. I’d shave when I had time and remembered it.
But since I left, I’ve dressed fem… maybe once? And that’s partially due to me packing those clothes up and not wanting to do even more laundry before leaving. But in the four days since I quit that trash job I haven’t worn nail polish either. I only voice trained once.
I’m not sure what part of all this is broken habits and how much of it is… Well, I already knew what little I was doing was more of a bandage than anything else, at least when it came to transitioning. But I haven’t had much urge for it period since quitting.
Was trying to be fem just a coping mechanism? Do I really want to be a girl or was that just hating where I was? Do I want to transition or do I just enjoy looking a bit fem?
The more I think about it the more questions I have. Which is a good thing tbh. Self reflection is never easy or quick to do properly. I just have a ton on my plate right now and self reflection takes time and energy I’m struggling to find.