i rly wanna get all my rss and web 1.0 shit together in the next two days but i gotta say, im mot very happy about it or want to do it at all and feel like ive already missed my chance on doing it. cohost forever. ive already regrown old bad brain pathways about fomo and not posting enough having remade my twitter in the past month. it has mostly all been private twitter. but the muscle memory bounces back more than you would believe.

stricken with grief about it all. there could not have been a worse time in my personal life for this to have happened bc i want to believe in a more simple internet and work toward it but also am in a state due to real life where i just want immediate comfort and ease and couldnt have just learned html within a month full of so much extraneous heartbreak. i am not or will never be a tech girl. i took a semester of html and css in community college 12 years ago. that's all i got or will ever have.

the internet is a hell of a thing, and it really is hell out there. it wasnt three days into me having a twitter again that someone with a fake account of a relatively big streamer friend of mine sent me a very graphically violent video of somebody dying. as soon as i signed up for a new account on X, The Everything App, the first account it suggested i follow was elon, the third was Tucker Carlson, and the fourth was Donald. it is hell out there, and there is nothing there for us anymore.

i wanna believe in something else, some other way. i wanna pull myself up by my internet bootstraps or whatever, because i want to believe in something less centralized. but the deadline is killing me and i cannot make it. i have so much i wished to have put here by monday that i just dont know if i can make happen. i just dunno, man. it is one layer of a telescoping series of grief i have not been able to handle this month.

i wish there was just a little bit more time for me to get myself together.