it's still like. strange when people call me sweet or kind cuz I honestly don't ever really feel like I'd aim those words at myself,,, like I more just feel like I'm a bit of an asshole and not a great or even a good person, really. like I'm not evil or anything, I'm not heartless, but I'm also not really that nice or good in my own mind... so it always takes me by surprise when people call me kind and such
..................realized at the end of typing this that this is a trauma/abuse survivor thing, isn't it
I keep having to remind myself that "I am a categorically bad person" is not, in fact, a normal or productive way to think about oneself and is very much a product of trauma and abuse. you'd be surprised at how hard it is to remember that
this isn't like pity farming or anything though just. introspecting aloud or something
