I really don't. I feel like a burden and a failure. ever since my head injuries I've really struggled mentally. it's been nearly a decade now and I'm still nowhere in life and powerless to help the ones I love
beyond that though, even the small things add up. like playing games with friends, I try to learn how to play or how things work and I just... can't. at least not without great exertion and lots of spoons, oftentimes more spoons than I have. and it sucks because I can't enjoy things my friends and loved ones enjoy, and when I try, it just feels like I'm bothering them and taking away from their fun. just... doing things others find fun can be a chore, or worse, doing things others find fun can subtract from their enjoyment when they anticipated that it would add to the enjoyment
there's no escape from my brain. even when I'm not being "a real adult" or working or whatever, even when I'm trying to relax and spend time with people I care about, it ruins things. I'm tired of being an undesirable friend. I don't know how my loved ones put up with me