(this is a more thought out and "polished" version of something I posted on Tumblr a while back. Apologies for it being super long, I am always terrible at getting my point across)
Tl;Dr: Medical intersexism is real, super blatent, and heavily worsens the struggles of intersex people, especially those undiagnosed
For most of my life, I've known I was different from my peers. Hell, it was incredibly obvious just from how everyone else treated me. Even when I was five years old, I was constantly getting misgendered by the people around me; the parents that would see me being picked up from school each day, the temporary teachers that would come in when my normal ones were sick, and constantly from strangers I would meet with my family. "You have two wonderful sons", the people would say, and every time they were corrected with "Actually, my eldest is a girl" I would be standing there more and more confused. "I'm a girl... why does everyone keep saying I'm a boy"
As the years would go on, I would find out about the wonderful spectrum of genderqueerness and, at least for a while, have peace with my identity. Being genderqueer was, and still is, a massive help in understanding who I am. But it didn't fully fill the confusion and alienation I faced towards womanhood, something I'd always faced. I could be genderqueer and a woman. I could be a genderfluid woman. And... well I am both! But, that still didn't fill the gap in my heart. I needed to understand why I was so different from my peers who were also assigned womanhood at birth.
The first massive hint came with my periods. They... never happened correctly to say the least. Everyone says they occur every month, or to precise between every 23 days to 35 days. Mine never did. The years of periods came, and they never happened monthly, never settled into a proper cycle. They'd happen around 3 times a year, maybe 5 on a good year. I knew that wasn't normal. So, I made what was probably a terrible idea looking back. I asked my doctor about it.
"You need to put on weight. That's probably what's causing it". I honestly didn't believe him even back then. I was 16 sure, but I didn't feel like that was right at all. But, I still followed what he asked. I worked to put on more and more weight, in hope things would become normal. They didn't. But of course, the doctors would just come up with similar excuses to avoid actually investigating the matter. (Recently, I asked him about it again, in an appointment where he literally had calculated my BMI beforehand and confirmed it was "normal". His response: "well... some people just are like that!". Helpful.)
When I reached adulthood, I found out about being intersex. Two conditions especially stood out to me: Hyperandrogen and PCOS. Things seemed to click immediately; every post I read, every blog I found... that was me. That was what I'd gone though. But I felt like I couldn't call myself intersex. Because my doctor wouldn't take me seriously, so I didn't have a diagnosis and so I was simply intruding into the community.
Of course, that was bullshit. A very large chunk of intersex people have no medical diagnosis. Doctors don't take us seriously, they erase how common intersex conditions are, and they'll operate on those with obvious conditions to erase them. I've since accepted that, even though I have no diagnosis, I am still allowed to call myself intersex. I'm working on reclaiming my womanhood, and living a life of being a genderqueerfluid woman. Self-diagnosis, self-realization is a powerful tool for all communities, but I'd argue especially so for the intersex community, where the medical community wants to erase us constantly.
Still I see intersex people with no official diagnosis being scared that they're not allowed in the community (and I see perisex people going "don't you need to be diagnosed to know you're intersex" which... shooting you with my mind rays). So let me reassure you: This community always has welcomed those who have no official diagnosis, those who are still trying to figure out what is going on with them. Because we are stronger together. We cannot fight for our rights, fight against the intersexism baked into all parts of society, if we disallow our own simply because they don't have a piece of paper from a doctor saying "I'm intersex!".
Intersex people are stronger together. And doctors are certainly not our friends
