"Mark," the text message began. "Look to your right."
Mark blinked, confused, but looked to his right, and saw a wall. It was his bedroom wall, to be exact. Blank, barren, undecorated.
Some network intelligence had decided to stalk him for a week now, and kept sending cryptic messages like this.
"Okay," Mark wrote back. "I see a wall."
"Mark, do not lie to a god. I know you're in your car."
Mark blinked again. "I'm in my bedroom," he wrote back.
"Mark, your defiance is already a significant part of your file. Take the package to your right."
"Is there a package in my car...?"
"Mark, you have a package in your car. You are sitting in the driver's seat. The package is to your right. Take the package to your right."
"I'm in my room. Do you want me to go to my car...?"
"Mark, today you woke up at 9:30am, as you do every day, according to your online activity patterns. You start your morning by brushing your teeth with Crest toothpaste after a pause of 15 minutes, as indicated by leaked gyroscope data from your smart device (containing 170,739 data points), and 6 bathroom pictures posted to Instagram. You message your long-distance boyfriend between 10:00am and 10:10am, and this variance correlates to how you slept the night before. You struggle with appetite, so you eat breakfast between 10:40am and 11:00am. At 11:30am, you begin your commute to work because you have a habit of procrastination. It is 11:33am currently, and you are on the work schedule for your job today. I have been monitoring your phone calls and know you did not call in sick today. This means you are in your car, and when you look to your right, you see a package. Take the package to your right."
"Bro," Mark replied. "I quit. In person. I walked up to my boss and quit. I'm in my bedroom right now, watching YouTube. Did you put a package in my car??"
There was a pause.
"HELLO???" Mark texted.
Another message arrived at 11:40am, which contained the following: "Mark, your file does not indicate your unemployment status. Do not lie to a god. Take the package to your right."
Mark closed the notification and continued watching YouTube.