the fear that if you give into certain desires you will just become a black hole of unfulfillable need
let myself eat without guilt? what if I never ever ever feel full and I eat and eat and eat until I can't move and can't do anything but eat?
let myself assert my sexual needs? what if I never ever ever feel satisfied with the amount of sex I'm having and I turn into a gross creep with no boundaries who drives away all my friends by acting like an incel about it?
let myself take time off from wage labor? what if I never ever ever feel rested and I never find anything else to do with my life and I just lie on the couch forever until someone calls the cops about the smell?
none of these thoughts are things I actually believe are true, for myself or anyone else. honestly if you eat well and have lots of sex and don't have to work hard you are living the dream and I don't want to judge you, I want to know your secret
but it makes me sad because I feel like I used to be a lot more comfortable with all these things, I was even in a place to give other people advice on how to de-demonize their own needs
but then in self-justifying all the bullshit work I had to put up with over the last several years, I somehow unenlightened myself and got all Republican about how I must hold the line against the Evil Influence of... like, basic human desires
I hope I can get back to being okay with being an animal with needs.