Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you're curious about a nerd's views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in d mopepth with some of this episodes! I've watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!
Season 5! Getting into some of the REAL good shit~ ....Once again, I'm worried my scale is all fucked up. There's gonna be lots of 10s, aren't there???
The Game - TNG
7/10
This episode starts with Riker having sex with some alien. Lovely. The alien is like "Hey try this game out, it's really popular around here~". It's a thing that beams a game directly into your eye and brain and you gotta get the disc into the hole. But also when you win it pumps sex chemicals into you. Exciting?
This looks like a game I'd play on Windows 95. But like, instead of being a shitty game on a 5000 game disc, it's one game and they gotta make it count so they cheat with sex chemicals.
Wesley Crusher is back! He's here on vacation and is gonna help them out for a bit, cause things are hectic! They throw him a little party first, everyone excited to see him! Worf even bakes him a "Tarvogian Pound Cake". WORF'S A BAKER?! WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S GREAT. Also apparently, Wesley found a personality at the acadamy? I've never hated him, but I did find him slightly boring. He's a bit more of a Person here.
Unfortunately, this is also The Horniest Episode Ever, so he's got this weird flirtation with some girl who recently got assigned to like 2nd in command down in engineering and it sure is awkward without trying to be awkward!
And then suddenly, Dr. Crusher calls Data into sickbay, and he's ambushed and shut down by what I can only describe as The Children of the Corn. Apparently, The Game is spreading.
This episode is weird. Parts of really cute, I like Wesley having tea with Picard and talking about his time at the acadamy. That's cute! Then we see Riker Indoctrinate Geordi into The Game which is uncomfy as hell.
AND THEN WE HAVE TO WATCH DR. CRUSHER HAVE AN ORGASM IN FRONT OF HER SON, WHO BASICALLY WALKS IN ON HER MASTURBATING. She's then very VERY pushy about him becoming One With The Game. JOIN US, WESLEY. "Oh I'm busy, I have a date" "INVITE HER HERE, WE'LL ALL SIT IN A CIRCLE AND MASTURBATE TOGETHER". Like I geddit, but it doesn't make it pleasant to watch.
Wesley and his crush, Leffler, are like "I wonder why everyone is being so fucking weird", and decide instead of jumping into it, to do scans on it, where they find out it is, in fact, an addictive Sex Toy.
And then Wesley goes to narc on everyone to Picard. This feels like Star Trek's Very Special Episode. All about the Dangers of Addictive Substances. Unfortunately, Picard is also addicted to the game and just ignores his warnings. Welp. So now it's also kinda half Very Special Episode, half Zombie Apocalypse. Wesley and Leffler have to dodge people constantly trying to push this substance on em, which is creepy af, and yes, Leffler DIRECTLY calls it creepy af. They need to PRETEND to be infected to fly under the radar.
Turns out that sex bunny from the intro is behind this! What a surprise! She's trying to take control of the Enterprise, and she absolutely did. Sex wins, again. And then OH NO, LEFFLER IS CONTROLLED! Now it's just Wesley, and he's doing a wild fucking escape through the Enterprise as EVERYONE ELSE is trying to get him. We had this once, that one episode where Solid Snake is breaking through the Enterprise as everyone tries to stop him. It's way more fun here with Wesley, someone we actually know and care about. Well, care about is loose. But I like Wesley in this episode?
Wesley is captured, and in the CREEPIEST SCENE OF ALL OF STAR TREK, has the Sex Game forced upon him in a Clockwork Orange as fuck scene. He tries to keep his eyes closed, they're forced open. He refuses to actually play, but the game CHEATS and forces him to play. But as Wesley is being indocrinated, DATA COMES IN TO SAVE THE DAY! Wesley had fixed Data offscreen, in the only gambit in all of Star Trek that works every time: "Data is able to save the day". Data comes in and does a horrible flashing lights scene that deprograms everyone, and then they capture the alien, Wesley heads back off to the Acadamy after smooching Leffler a bit, and they live happily ever after? Well we never see Leffler again so oh well.
This was a weird one. Parts of it were uncomfy, but they were supposed to be. They just weren't fun to watch. Leffler and Wesley working together and Wesley Die Harding the Enterprise were REAL fun tho. also apparently this was inspired by how addictive Tetris was. Yeah. Tetris is JUST like sex.
Unification I - TNG
9/10
Turns out there was a recent major ambassodor in the Federation who has defected to the Romulan empire... and it's SPOCK! DUN DUN DUN! Yes, FINALLY, Spock returns to TNG. Seasons ago, basically nothing TOS was even allowed to be mentioned. Now, we get Spock directly appearing, yay!
Picard is tasked with finding out what happened with Spock. Was he abducted? Has he betrayed the Federation??? To figure it out, he goes to Sarek, who is on his death bed. Last time we saw Sarek, he was very VERY old, and falling apart. Picard mind melded with him to help save the day, so they're very connected. Sarek is CONTROLLED by his emotions now and can barely communicate. But once Picard mentions Spock, he wakes right back up. It's tragic to watch him, his acting is so good. It's like watching an old respected family member fall apart, the alzheimers becoming too much for them. It brings home everything Sarek's episode was supposed to represent a few seasons ago.
They need a Klingon ship to cloak and sneak into Romulan borders. Picard plays the Klingon Politics game in a GREAT way. Gowron is already standoffish, pretending to not owe the Federation ANYTHING. Picard is like "Yeah? Well we can go be friends with OTHERS in the Klingon empire~" and boom, they get a ship.
Meanwhile, Riker is in control of trying to find out a weird mystery that's been hinted at all episode: Some Vulcan deflector tech was found, and they think it connects to Spock's disappearance. They go to a junkyard where the deflectors were SUPPOSED to be, and find out that someone has been sneaking things out of the junkyard. The junkyard's manager is NOT happy about this. It's an INSULT! Time to get to the bottom of this.
I love the scene where Picard is trying to sleep and Data just keeps staring at him. So good.
Meanwhile, Riker catches the smugglers, and they open fire. He's like "okay, a LIGHT shot, only on their weapons-" and boom, they fucking explode. Oops. Good goin', Riker.
Meanwhile, Picard and Data don their Romulan Disguises and travel down. It's neat to see Romulan culture shown, we don't see it much other than military stuff. Everyone is VERY untrusting. They try to find Pardek, but Pardek finds them first, telling them that security knows they're there, and taking them to meet... Him.
TIME FOR PART TWO.
Unification II - TNG
8/10
And in we go. Spock is IMMEDIATELY like "it is nice to meet you, go the fuck away", but Picard is like "yo your dads dead" and that changes his opinion. He explains that he's here to reunify the Vulcans and Romulans. Seeing Picard and Spock interact is really interesting, cause Picard is THE most Vulcan of Humans. He lets emotion carry him rarely, instead relying on logic a lot. And Spock is the most Human Vulcan. So they bounce on each other in a really interesting way.
Meanwhile, Data returns to the Klingon ship. He intends to hack into the Romulan database. The Klingon captain doubts Data. Silly Klingon.
Turns out there's a big underground movement, especially within the younger generations. They are fascinated in where they came from, and what Vulcans are. It's cool, and pretty accurate. I can see tyhat happeniong.
This scene is amazing. Riker slides into a Hive of Scum and Villainy, and meets with the piano woman and talks to her about her ex husband, who he just fucking blew up. She thanks him for that and tells him about her ex's old business deals. Very fun~
Spock meets with the proconsul, a high ranking member of parliament, and he's VERY supportive of reunification, and thinks they can go through with it easily! As Spock leaves, however, we see he's ACTUALLY in cahoots with...
SHE'S BACK ALREADY!
KLINGON OPERA!
Riker is a very different captain to Picard. Riker GRABS THE FERENGI and is like "let me tell you what will happen if you don't tell me what I want. You will be legally restricted from traveling in this sector. Also, I will be VERY upset." It works.
Anyways, Spock, Data, and Picard are captured by Sela, and it turns out Pardek, the original Romulan helping them, was setting this all up to begin with as well. NO ONE was really on their side ): (except maybe the kids). Sela captures them, explains her full plan, then LEAVES THEM ALONE IN HER OFFICE, ALONGSIDE HER COMPUTERS AND SHIT. SO THEY HACK IN. WHAT THE FUCK? I didn't know Sela was a fucking Bond Villain. Unshockingly, they use this to take out Sela. But it's too late, some stolen Vulcan ships are on the way for a sneak attack against Vulcan.
Oh wait no, Data sent out a distress message first telling everyone of the ships. God damn, Data is OP. Roddenberry should nerf.
The Romulans blow up their own invasion force, killing 2000 Romulans. And it's all done. The young Romulans were not a part of this, and say they will continue to work towards education on the Vulcan methods. Spock decides to stay with them, helping teach them. Spock compares Picard to Sarek, which he's done all episodes, lamenting Picard knows Sarek better than he does. Picard offers him a chance to learn what he has learned of Sarek.
I loved the first half of this but lemme tell you, Sela REALLY held the idiot ball here. Usually the Romulans are outsmarted, here they weren't even trying. That soured it a lot for me.
A Matter of Time - TNG
6/10
The Enterprise encounters a traveler who claims to be from 300 years in the future! He's a cooky historian, who's a big fucking goober, and is geeking out about everyone. He claims to have come back to study everyone, and he even has questionairres. Big goofball. Everyone is understandably hesitant, but his story SEEMS to check out, and they are super curious about the future. Understandable, though he's like "please stop asking me when you die you DO realize how bad that is to know right"
Everyone keeps asking "why are you here what's going on" and "you're here for THIS MISSION right?!" and he's getting a little sassy about it. But he's VERY untrustworthy. No one trusts him, but he's very overly friendly. Like, ESPECIALLY on Crusher, he's making the moves on her and it's like.... Nope. Please stop.
The planet they're doing some drilling on seems to have failed. It might have made things worse, and made it unstable. And all the while, thoughts of why this historian came NOW.... was it to watch them fail??? However, we keep seeing this historian steal things from around the Enterprise. Me-thinks he's not what he says he is.
Data is listening to four compositions at once. All classical Earth music of course. I wish they had invented some Bolian classical music or something, why does everyone only care about like, 1700s music? Why doesn't Data listen to Babymetal? LET DATA LISTEN TO SNOOP DOGG.
Picard calls the professor in and they get into a BIG argument. Picard needs his help to try and save lives down on the planet. Patrick Stewart is trying so hard. He's doing the Picard Speech so well. But holy shit I disagree with him so much. "Picard, I can't let you change the future" "NO YOU SHOULD, WE MIGHT SAVE PEOPLE" Uh, no. That's not how time travel works.
Things worked out, but the professor's gig is up. Everyone realizes items are missing, and Data and the professor go inside his futuristic fancy ship. He holds Data hostage and explains who he is. An inventor from the 22nd century. A very bad one. Someone from the 26th century came to his century, and he killed him and took his time machine to THIS point, to steal stuff and take it back to "invent it". But anyways Data and everyone else out smarts him, and he's stuck in the 24th century forever. Poor guy.
Safely skippable but okay.
New Ground - TNG
4/10
The Enterprise is hanging around to see a new form of propulsion be invented, when suddenly Worf gets a call from his mom that she and Alexander are here to visit! Weird... timing mom, but okay. Worf welcomes them on and then WHOOPS IT WAS A TRAP, TAKE ALEXANDER FROM US PLEASE
Worf refuses to be a dad to this kid. Worf's mom keeps telling him that Alexander NEEDS a father, but Worf is... VERY hesitant. This was thrust upon him.
Worf is not a good father. He's very awkward. And watching him be terrible with his kid is not pleasant to watch in the slightest, especially when he's asked about basic information by the teacher, like Alexander's fucking birthday. He's NEVER been a father of this kid, how the hell can he start now? ESPECIALLY when he also has his job to do. He doesn't WANT to do this, so he's very difficult. Like I said, it's very painful.
Alexander steals some shit at school and then lies about it. Worf finds out and explains to Alexander THE VALUE OF HONOR, AND HOW HE DISHONORED HIS FATHER BY DOING THIS. Well, that resolves that!
Troi tries to help Worf, but Worf refuses any parenting help. He is GOOD at this parenting thing. No. No he is not.
Oh hey back to what I THOUGHT was the A plot! They're watching the Wave, a new kind of propulsion, carry a ship along. It's going super well! And then it's not. The shop fucking explodes, and damages the Enterprise as well. Welp, looks like the Wave isn't going to work any time soon but for a MOMENT it did! Anyways back to the Worf Plot, god dammit.
Alexander is continuing to lie, what a surprise. He also stole Worf's Batleth to do some training in, in the same training scenario where he was conceived a few seasons ago which is a little weird but hey whatever. Worf CONTINUES to be a shitty dad, and blow off everyone trying to help him. Troi keeps trying, bless her. She eventually breaks it through to Worf: "He's acting out CAUSE you're a shit dad, Worf". Well she doesn't say it like that, but it's basically that. He's acting out cause he was abandoned by Worf seasons ago.
As the Enterprise tries to stop the wave, as it gains power and threatens a planet, the wave hits the Enterprise just as Alexander sneaks into a biolab to look at the pretty animals. The Biolab lights on fire, and Alexander is injured in the burning Biolab. Riker and Worf burst into the lab to save him, and Worf does Obscene Feats of Strength to save his son, and then the animal his son likes. They barely make it in time, as the biolab is flooded with radiation that's needed to take out the wave.
Worf offers Alexander a space on the Enterprise, accepting to be a father. Literally, it's a "DO YOU ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE TO BE MY SON" thing which is very Worfy. And thus, Alexander will become a semi-main stay character. He'll be in six or so more episodes. This episode was..... rough. I think they did stuff okay but it was VERY uncomfortable to watch Worf be a shitty dad. It's not like, something that SHOULDN'T be shown. I just don't like it, at all. It's important! It's character lore and character development! But god, I just don't wanna watch it.
