So, this is a story about a conversation with my brother. It happened a while ago, but is still on my mind, so I wanted to share.
My youngest brother (8 years younger than me), went through a breakup a couple of months ago. We were talking about how he was handling it one night after playing some board games with two of my closest friends on Tabletop Simulator. My friends had stayed on the call, and it became a sort of late night therapy session/ working through feelings. He was talking about how hard it had hit him, and how much he was struggling to get through the breakup.
One of my friends ended up saying something like "yeah, breakups are hard. I remember when Moose went through his breakup, he was devastated"
And my brother sort of like, scoffed and goes "Yeah okay"
And both of my friends ended up chiming in, both saying things along the lines of "No, seriously, Moose was a mental wreck"
And my brother was like "Wait... seriously?" and so I confirmed.
He went on to explain that he really appreciated learning this about me because, from his perspective, I was basically a robot. He had never seen or heard me crying. He had never witnessed me showing sadness.
We've never been terribly close, and so I never would turn to him to talk to him about these things. I also never viewed it as necessary to show him me when I was sad. "Why would he want to see me sad?" was how I thought about it. "I don't want to burden them with my sadness" or "Me being sad is not a good time, so I simply won't show it to others. I don't want to bum them out". But hearing him scoff at the notion a breakup got to me, and realizing how deeply he truly just assumed I was an almost emotionless robot, really hit me? Like "oh....he truly didn't think I felt much".
I don't know, I guess it really stuck with me that it's important to show loved ones that yes, you do in fact hurt sometimes. It's a lesson I'm glad I learned now, as if I become a parent one day, I think this is something that should carry over. Obviously, I don't want my kid to shoulder my burdens. However, if they see their dad crying or sad once in a while, then that'll be okay.