This god-touched adventurer and their deity aren't currently on speaking terms.
Kallixenia is unsure if she's actually meant to speak with the gods, or if the High Cleric's instructions were more... metaphorical, and she's just supposed to think on it herself until something comes to her.
Either way, she spends her day in meditation. Sits alone in a room lit by dim candlelight, breathes the scented ritual smoke of a censer. Contemplates her connection to the gods, what all her oaths mean to her; what her defining oath as a knight on the Path of the Bulwark specifically means to her, and how it's very important to her but also maybe the ability granted by it isn't quite what she needs and could she maybe have something else? Something equally protective but less sacrificial?
And then she gets stressed out and anxious and has to recenter herself, and she comes no closer to getting an answer from anywhere.
"There's so much to catch you up on, I don't even know where to start!" Says Pherusa, between mouthfuls of food. "Crisa has a squire now. Scrawny little kid, can barely even carry her sword. Follows her like a lost puppy and hangs off her every word."
"Aww, cute." Kallixenia coos.
"Kleo got her wings!" Says Athis. "She's out helping rebuild some village out west. Dragon attack, I think."
"She was always handy." Kallixenia says. "Path of the Hammer, then?"
"You know, I've always thought it was silly that they still use swords after taking that one."
"You can't use a Warhammer to fix things, Athis. It'd be unwieldy." Nephele chides.
"They don't have to use one hammer for everything. It'd just be more fitting, don't you think?"
Nephele ignores her. "Kyra got her wings too. Went Bulwark, like you did." She says, just a touch of sorrow in her voice.
Lunaeris' words echo in Kallixenia's mind: "It's barbaric, it's ghoulish, I don't think anyone should be that kind of paladin."
"Well... Good for her, right?" She says, and her friends awkwardly nod and mumble in agreement. "...Right?"
Athis shrugs. "She's off babysitting some preteen prince. I don't know if I'd call it good, but... it's what she chose."
Kallixenia pushes the remnants of her meal around her plate with a fork. She's already told the High Cleric, so surely there's no harm in talking about it with them, right?
"It's... It's a little grim, isn't it?" She says, voice hushed. Her friends exchange meaningful glances, then lean in to continue the conversation more quietly. Pherusa gently takes her hand.
"...We all face our share of danger, in our duties." She says. "But... It's a little grim, yes."
"It's creepy." Nephele whispers, and Athis punches her in the shoulder. "What? It is! Like you're expected to die."
"It's what she wants." Athis hisses, before looking to Kallixenia. "It is what you want, yes?"
"Yes! Maybe. I don't know. I-I still believe in the oath. I want to protect people! Just- It is like we're expected to die, isn't it? Wouldn't I be able to protect people better if the oath did something else?" She says, with a pleading look.
"People, plural, yes. But it's..." Pherusa trails off.
"It's more lucrative to make the people who can pay for it completely untouchable." Nephele grumbles, and Athis punches her in the shoulder again. "Stop punching me for being right!" She whines.
"You're being a dick."
"No, it's- She is right. Lunaeris said the same." Kallixenia says, and her friends relax a bit.
"Oh." Athis says. "Oh! Wait- She's asking this?"
"Gods' sake Kalliexenia..." Pherusa groans.
"What?"
"Thought this was a 'getting out of dying for my terrible wife' conversation." Nephele says, leaning back and taking a swig of ale.
"What? No! This is all her idea! No! She's wonderful!"
"So... you're not bound to her?" Pherusa asks.
"No! Not since before the wedding."
"Then... what's the problem?"
Kallixenia furrows her brow. "Well, I should be, right?"
Nephele and Athis shrug.
"Why?"
"If she doesn't care, then... who cares?"
"Me? The gods?" Says Kallixenia, exasperated.
"If the gods cared you wouldn't have your wings." Nephele argues. "So you aren't magically bound to die for her. Protect her the normal way like everyone else."
"But I don't want to do it the normal way! I want to do it the paladin way!"
"Yeah, so, swing your sword around. Smite evil." Athis says.
"A paladin's defining oath defines them, Athis!" Kallixenia whines. "We don't just swing swords around! We're bound to a higher power!"
"Look- Ooh, Achaia's here! Achaia!" Pherusa calls out, and that's the end of that topic of conversation.
Kallixenia sighs. Her battle-sisters have her back, but they don't fully understand what she wants. Which is fair- she also isn't sure what she wants. She wants a proper paladin oath, she wants the oath she already has, she just wants it... different. Like a split, where she gets the Bulwark Oath but the Hammer powers. Then she could bless buildings and armor and things, that should surely still count as dedicating her life to protecting others.
Kind of.
Achaia sits down beside her and Pherusa moves to the other side of the table, so that her and Athis and Nephele can all stare at the two of them together.
"...What?" Kallixenia asks.
"Princesses. Spill."
"Princess Tephysea is very busy managing her duchy." Achaia says innocently. "I'm sure the details would bore you."
"Princess Lunaeris is making quite a name for herself, adventuring." Kallixenia says, matching her tone.
Nephele rolls her eyes. "They think themselves funny." She says. "Come onnnn. Princesses."
"There's nothin' to tell." Achaia insists, into her mug.
"Okay, liar." Says Pherusa. "Kallixenia, you're married to yours, come on then."
"I haven't the slightest idea what you're asking me, Pherusa."
"You both suck." Says Athis. "Achaia, you made a move on her or what?"
"A paladin does not make moves on-"
Achaia is cut off before she can finish as the three of them point at Kallixenia.
"...Well, maybe I'm-"
"If Kallixenia didn't stick to that I don't for a second believe you did." Says Athis.
"There were... extenuating circumstances?" Kallixenia offers, in defence of her honor.
"We'll get back to that." Says Pherusa. "Achaia. You and the Princess are inseparable for half the wedding and then not two weeks go by and she's asking after your services. For fuck's sake, give us something."
Achaia rolls her eyes and checks her surroundings. "Alright, fine." She whispers. "We've been enjoying eachother's company. What of it?"
"Enjoying how?"
"Very secretly."
"You two fucking?" Asks Nephele.
"Don't be crude." Achaia grumbles.
"She's dodging the question!" Athis squeals excitedly. "Tell us everything!"
"I will not. I swear, you lot are like a bunch of teenagers."
"Hey, we can't all go out and fuck princesses." Nephele says, shrugging. "It's frowned upon. Not proper."
"Extenuating circumstances!" Insists Kallixenia, drawing their attention back to herself.
"Such as?"
"...She was really sad."
"And... you decided to cheer her up by..?"
"Well, I..." Kallixenia sputters. She takes a long sip of ale, blushing. "...I shouldn't say."
"Holy shit?" Squeaks Athis.
"Haha, yesssss!" Nephele cheers. "C'mon Achaia. Give us at least that much detail."
"So this is all you three have to ask? Nothing about them being, you know, princesses?" Achaia deflects again.
Athis, Pherusa, and Nephele look between themselves, thinking.
"Oh, I got one!" Says Athis. "Xanthe said that princesses do all this training with fancy courtesans and such, to make them more appealing to suitors. That true?"
"No?" Achaia says, and then looks at a shrugging Kallixenia to verify. "No."
"So she's bad at it?" Nephele asks.
"No!"
"So you are fucking her!"
"Godsdammit!"
This continues late into the night, until all but Kallixenia and Achaia have retired to bed and the two of them take a trip to the monastery's bathhouse.
"Okay, I didn't want to ask about this with the others around." Says Achaia, as they relax in the hot water. Kallixenia opens one eye and quirks her eyebrow.
"It's nothin' bad, just, they'd be weird about it. Horny asses."
"Okay."
"So, uh... Does yours, like... Have an ear thing?"
Kallixenia breathes the steam deeply through her nose.
"I mean like, like if you touch-"
"I know what you mean." She says, and refuses to elaborate further for the sake of her lady's honor.
The next day's meditation brings no answers. Nor the day after, nor after that.
Kallixenia can't just leave it like this, regardless of what her battle-sisters think. They might only care about smiting, but she has a duty to uphold. She swore that she would serve the gods, to be their shield arm in the mortal world.
She can't just, half-ass it.
She spends longer and longer in meditation. Starts coming back after dinner instead of retiring for the night. She gets less and less sleep, dedicating herself fully to finding an answer.
And then, when she has exhausted herself, when she blurs the line between dream and reality, the gods finally speak to her.
"Kaaalliiiiiee~"
