Chirasul's missive
hello friends. we've had a lot of fun together! here's my words for you. are you ready?
it is easy to feel powerless, like your efforts do not make any difference. it is easy to feel like it doesn't matter what you do, because it will change nothing. cohost existed and became what it means to you because that is not true. you have a small bit of power. and that power is most effective when used in conjunction with your community. and what is community but a network of kindness between people? let's talk about that.
cohost is special! in an internet that has gradually become dominated by websites designed with a consumerist intent, it is difficult to remember that you are a person who needs to connect with other people for no other reason except because you need to. because it's good for you. because people need to live life together. twitter is defined by who is dominating the conversation, tumblr is dominated by whoever is feeding the fandom or making the funniest shitposts, facebook is dominated by ummm. mom and dad i guess. those websites put you into a "consumer" box. if you aren't or don't want to act like a consumer, if you don't want to contribute value to the site by being there, then it's just not a fun experience for you! those sites aren't designed for people. they're designed for consumers. a consumer is smaller, less complicated, and more malleable than a person. and i know it really gets me riled up and sad and angry when someone tries to treat me like something smaller and simpler than i am. i think cohost helped a lot of people realize that, because cohost met you halfway. it only gave back to you whatever you brought into it (a lotta people brought good things into it! some people brought negative things into it!). it didn't tell you what you want; it trusted you enough to know what you want, or to explore enough to figure that out. and that allowed it to manifest some healthy community dynamics more than those other sites ever can. it's the reason why you're going to miss it when it's gone. as much as i can remember, it's the only social media site that tried as much as it could to step out of the way and allow users to connect with each other purely on their own terms. no numbers for clout or fomo or peer pressure, no algorithm to tell you what you want or need, and explicit design decisions that discouraged you from doing mean things, from following cruel impulses.
in this way, cohost gave some power back to you that other social media sites would prefer to take away. but let me make it clear to you: you have power. you will always have power. you will always have a little bit, wherever you go and whatever you are. a community is the sum of its parts; by being present in a community, you change it by being there. and you can't change it if you dont show up. if you take anything away from the end of cohost, please take this: connect with people beyond the scope and purview of social media. be present in each other's lives at every level. know yourself. know each other. be known.
have you ever lamented feeling like the world is so broken and you are so powerless to fix it? i understand. i have felt that way too. but you have more power than you think. every day, you have the power to make an impact on the lives of the people around you - including yourself! I've said it before: you are part of the world. being kind to yourself is, in fact, helping to fix the world. do not think yourself somehow less valuable or important than other people. it's important work to be kind to yourself! this is where you practice how to be kind and to help others. it is the starting point of community. every day, you can be kind to yourself, and in doing so, it will help you be kinder to other people. please remember: the way you spend your days is the way you spend your life. if you try each day to be kind and connect with other human beings, then the sum of your life will amount to that.
one of the fundamental aspects of humanity, a part of our animal nature, is compassion for each other. it is in our DNA. it can be observed in other animals with close-to-human intelligence, and has been recorded in all of human history as not just a fundamental aspect of being a person, but a fundamental reason why we have survived and thrived so long. it is as natural as eating, and drinking, and sleeping, and waking. if something has gotten in the way of your compassion - if something makes it harder for you to be kind to each other - that is just as dire a problem as if something was preventing you from eating food or falling asleep. but it's also a discipline, like exercising a muscle or practicing a musical instrument. it will only get better if you practice it - and if you allow others to practice it to you.
it is so, so easy to get caught up in the Performance - I have to act this certain way at all times, I have to keep this distance between myself and others, I have to maintain the persona. I have to maintain my Defenses. I cannot allow myself to express kindness or connect to other people. I have to stay aloof, I have to stay mean, I have to stay unpredictable. I understand. That's the way I was for a long time, to survive. In a lotta ways, I still am, especially when I'm stressed. Efforts to be kind feel so unfamiliar that they can't help but feel fake or forced, because they're unpracticed. So, practice them. Practice them every day. Over time, you will find the desire to keep yourself at a distance from other people slowly fade away, and you will realize that you both need and are needed. Your reality is where your senses greet the world; by training your senses to prioritize kindness, you will start to see more of it. And you will start to see less negative or hostile bullshit, and what you do see will sting less and affect you little. You have the power to change your reality. And the really cool part is that it will change the world for other people, as well. It is not delusional or ignorant to choose to be kind in a world so saturated with cruelty; it is a calculated, difficult, often unrewarding decision for the purpose of lifting up yourself and those around you, those who need kindness and cannot get it from anywhere but you.
you will still have instincts to be a mean, nasty bitch when things don't go your way or when you're stressed or when someone rubs you the wrong way. you will have instincts to hate and tear into people and mock people and dunk people and get a one-up on people who are being shitty. and you will have to greet those instincts as they appear and tell them that you'd rather be kind. and if you can't be kind, then you'd rather not react at all. because remember: what you do defines your reality. you have power, just a tiny little bit of power, but it's enough to make each day one positive piece in the puzzle of your whole life. you're going to live for a while yet, you're not even halfway done - invest in a kinder, connected, fulfilling future every day. each interaction is another chance to practice doing something that will change you into the person you'd rather be. because you are what you do.
well, anyway. cohost was a lot of fun. i could talk about how to live for a lot longer than here, because i love living and i love figuring out how to make it better and more fun for myself and for other people. i hope i was occasionally a good part of your time here. i will keep trying to be a positive part of wherever i go next.
