ME MAKING A WISH: Oh mighty Monkey's Paw, I wish for my wish to not have an ironic comeuppance.
THE GUY WHO SOLD IT TO ME: Actually, monkeys don't really have "paws." They are primates and, just like you and me, are defined by their prehensile hands. That thing doesn't grant wishes, it's just leftover stock I got after the taxidermy liquidated.
ME: (to the paw) YOU DAMNABLE THING!!