So, a kind of update but not really. While trying to move on from this, I've been plagued with thoughts about everything that has happened. I can be busy and distract myself but as soon as I'm alone with my thoughts it all comes back and won't leave.

This really sucks. It hurts to think about and my depression is at an all time high. Haven't had a good sleep for months now. I take it this is what I deserve. I can't help but feel unpleasant to be around, it won't leave. I can't muster the kind of energy where someone would be happy that I exist.

Please don't take this as me asking for pity. Just talking into the void, taking the cork off the bottle of my brain.