Dinner is… awkward. I can’t stand to be in my room right now, and I can’t stand to meet Shipmind’s gaze. I just get my food and keep my head down. I don’t know how Shipmind feels about it, but they don’t engage with me, either. I feel like I should say something, do something, but I don’t know what I could possibly say. “Sorry I made you mad earlier, but it’s okay, I’ll be escaping soon?” “If Lilly’s in there, which I know she’s not because you’re a horrifying brain-eating parasite, tell her I apologize for making her upset?” “How are you holding up? Do you have any anti-nausea medication handy, like, on your person? Maybe you should carry some. Why? No reason.”
I can barely choke down my food. I eat just enough to stop my stomach from growling at me, then leave.
I stalk the corridors. I’m used to being solitary, but this - I’m having to avoid every warm body on the ship. Who could I even talk to about this? Everyone I’d normally complain to is… is… I don’t even know what they are, anymore! I don’t know if they’re alive, or dead, or in stasis, or what. James is still pretending to be in a coma with his weird mind trick, and every time I go talk to him increases the risk he’ll get caught.
Plus, I’d have to tell him about my progress with the Erinyes Device. And I… don’t want to do that. Not yet.
There’s a hum beneath my feet, and I realize that without meaning to I’ve wandered close to engineering. I hesitate before turning the corner, expecting there to be armed security, but the doors are just closed. Surely they’re locked, at least to me?
Nope. They open with the same fwoosh they always do, as if there wasn’t a hostile entity taking over the ship that had marked me as its next friend. Meal. Thing. Ugh.
As it’s getting towards night shift and we’re not actually going anywhere, the engineering bay is pretty quiet. I spot Phrog and Braddock poking silently at the hyperspace core control panel, still attempting to subvert my codes. I feel a beam of pride shine on me for a moment, my physical cryptography skills unmatched even by a superintelligent hivemind, and then it’s eclipsed by the looks on Phrog and Braddock’s faces. Whatever’s going on with Shipmind, it must be pretty bad. They look like their best friend is in the hospital. Which, I guess, technically, he is. What a mess.
I walk to the other end of the bay from them, lean on the railing around the hyperspace core, and just feel the thrum of it in my bones for a while. One of the reasons the engineering crew knows me is that I like to hang out here when things aren’t busy and I’ve got stuff to think about. “Braddock always appreciates how much respect you show engineering”, says Lilly’s voice, in my mind. Was that just another attempt to butter me up? I always thought I was kind of an annoyance to them, getting in the way of their important… I don’t know, wiring jobs, or whatever.
Between that and the mutual avoidance of each other we’d been doing all day, it comes as something of a surprise when Shipmind walks up to me, in the forms of Phrog and Braddock. Phrog leans on the railing, barely capable of seeing over it, and stares at the core, while Braddock leans backwards on the railing beside him, staring off into space.
“Sar- Lieu'enan’ Declan,” says Phrog’s body, swallowing the hard t's with his Ascyrian accent. “We were wondering if you could 'ell us something.”
I eye them warily. "What?"
They look at each other, seemingly steeling themselves for the answer, which doesn't make me any less nervous. I casually push off the railing and mentally check out escape routes.
"We-el, we were wondering..." They make a noise in the back of their throat, like Phrog always does when he's stalling.
Braddock places a hand on Phrog's shoulder, and Phrog reaches up to squeeze it. It's still strange to see them be so casually affectionate.
"Do ye trust us, Lieutenant Declan?"
I blink. "No, absolutely not. But you knew that, right?"
"Aye, just... makin' sure." They look like they're trying not to look hurt. "But it's important to the next question: do ye think there's any way ye might?"
"What, trust you?" This is dangerous territory. What's going to happen if they think they can't convince me to join them? I listen for footsteps behind me, but I can't hear anything over the hum of the core.
"Yes," says Phrog’s mouth. I try not to twitch. They're so direct.
"Trust you to do what?" I'm stalling now, but I need the time to think. "Run the ship? Uphold the SFC oath? Have my back in a fight? Not tell someone embarrassing stories about me?"
"Can ye trust us to be us, Lieutenant? Is there any way ye'll believe that it's actually Phrog and Braddock in here, alongside yer friend Starille and the Cap'n and all?"
"I... well..." I back up, putting my hands up placatingly. I don't dare look behind me. Phrog and Braddock’s faces look at me with hope and apprehension and glowing blue-white eyes. They're trying to corral you into saying you'll join, says the voice in the back of my head. "I have to go!" I blurt out, and I turn and make the fastest, most graceless exit I've ever made.
I'm ready to barrel through anybody that blocks my path, but the engineering deck is empty as I desperately put distance between Shipmind and myself.
