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I wake up to a quiet sobbing, almost beyond the range of my hearing. I might not have even noticed, except that despite the last forty-eight hours, I’m still an incredibly light sleeper. I blink, blearily, and check the time - a few moments before my alarm would go off, not that shifts have a lot of meaning at the moment. Carefully, I ease myself up off the bed, and scan my quarters through the gloom.

Starille is curled in on herself, holding the pillow the mini-transposer gave her like it might save her life. Her body is shaking, and every now and again there’s an incredibly quiet whimper, only just barely audible over the white noise of the life support systems. I see her stuff her hand into her mouth to stifle the sound.

---

I’m frozen. I’ve never seen her like this. Starille has always been the rock of the crew, the steadfast one, the knowledgeable one. Only the Captain herself’s more levelheaded than Starille. What do I do?

The decision is taken away from me by the alarm, which automatically raises the lights. Starille quickly swaps the pillow back under her head and wipes her face on the blanket, then tucks herself in as if she’d just been sleeping the whole time. Her body still shivers occasionally.

I slap the alarm button, and shuffle out of the bed as it slides away into the wall to clear space in the quarters. I reach out to her-

I hesitate.

“Hey, good morning,” I say. “Sleep okay?”

She raises her head from the couch and blinks at me with a straight face, although she can’t help a slight quiver to her lip. “As well as can be expected from, you know, sleeping on a paranoid maniac’s couch.”

“Uh, sorry about that,” I say. I open my mouth to ask her the actually important question, and instead say, “So, do you want first shower, or…?”

She quirks an eyebrow at me. “What, you wanna shower together? Conserve water?” She smirks as I sputter. Before I can get anything approaching a coherent answer together, she’s slipped off the couch and into the bathroom. “Grab me a new uniform, would you?” She calls as she turns on the water.

Feeling a full spectrum of different, conflicting awkward emotions, I undo the security on the door and re-power the mini-transposer and try to ignore the flush on my cheeks.

---

“So,” says Starille, as she finishes her breakfast sandwich from the mini-transposer, “what should we do today? You have any tests in mind?”

“Well, you banter like Starille, you play like Starille, but I want to make sure you still know everything Starille should know.”

She nods, slowly. “So, the computer core?”

I shake my head. “That’s step two. First, we need to get to medical.”

“Medical?”

“I want to make sure that your implant is really deactivated, and do a general scan to make sure you don’t have any problems.”

She gives me a bemused half-smile. “Worried about my health now, Declan?”

“Just wanna make sure you’re not gonna slow us down, Cartran.” It’s an old joke, but it makes everything feel a bit more normal.

Medical is still a hub of activity, but something about the energy of the place has changed. The bodies still under the control of Shipmind feel… sluggish. I see dark circles under the eyes of a lot of ensigns, and signs of crying. As we come in, the first ensign to see us runs up, then stops, rocking on her feet like she’s not quite sure what to do next. Her - their eyes glow with that same aura of menace as all the others.

Before I can get out a “what do you want,” Starille steps forward, clasps their hands, and pulls them into a deep kiss. My cheeks go red, and all I can do is stare.

“We miss you,” they say, when released from the kiss.

“I’ll be back soon,” she murmurs, pressing her forehead to the Ensign - to Shipmind. “We need to use a scanner. Got one available?”

“Yes, second bay.” Their eyes flick to me. “We’ll… clear the area.”

“Oh, you don’t have to-”

“Thanks,” I say. “That’ll help.”

Starille gives me a look, but they nod, and go back about their business. A moment later, half a dozen people stream out of a door that I presume is the second bay. I gesture forwards, and Starille leads the way.

“Friend of yours?” I say, more to say something than for any actually good reason.

“Ensign Second Class Rose Terila, quarter xerran on her mother’s side, loves her cat Marmalade, thinks the ship’s laser cannons are the coolest thing in the world. Never met her before in my life.” We enter the room, and Starille lays down on the scanner bed. “It’s Shipmind, Sarah. They’re more than just a friend. I’ve been in that body.” She shifts, trying to find a comfortable position. “In more ways than one.”

I mis-press a button on the scanner and have to start the sequence over. “Uh, right.”
The bed begins to move through the large scanning rig.

“Sarah, when are you gonna ask me about it?”

I press another wrong button and an error blares at me. I scowl and clear it out so I can start the right scan type. “I want to make sure you’re you first.”

“And how long is that going to take?”

“You said you were in it for the long haul!” I snap.

“And I am, Sarah, but at some point you’re going to have to learn what I know about Shipmind from the inside, or you’ll never understand.”

I grip the medical station’s monitor much harder than necessary, swinging it into a better position. “Hush up, or the scan data won’t be good and we’ll have to start over.”

She hushes. The only sound in the room is the drone of the scanner.