So one thing I've really been exploring a lot lately is the concept of loving the whole person and not just parts of a person, whether that's someone else (e.g. a family member or romantic partner) or one's self (i.e. self-love).
This came up when chatting with a friend last night; I had gone to a party with them and some other friends of theirs and mentioned that I had hit it off pretty well with another friend of theirs. My friend mentioned that this other person was actually just like themselves and I was sort of taken aback by this statement, not because they were comparing themselves to this other friend but at the idea that they were essentially the same person.
Because, like, if you interact with both of them in person their personalities (at least outwardly) come across as very different. And, yeah, they probably share a lot in common and they might have inner lives that are similar; I don't dispute that (I trust my friend a bit on this since they know this other friend and themselves better than I do). But the thing that struck me is that my friend viewed these other "non-core" aspects of both of their respective personalities as immaterial or irrelevant or (most importantly) not worthy of love.
So I pointed out to my friend that this is actually a kind of negative way of looking at things: subdividing a person into parts that are "core" or "essential" versus "non-core" or "irrelevant". The reason why is that this sort of mindset is a precursor to issues related to love (both loving others and loving one's self). Chopping up a person into good parts and neutral/bad parts isn't good for the person (it pits them against themselves) and it also undermines your ability to love them and see them for who they really are. Instead, you begin to love a narrow snapshot of them that fades over time like an old Polaroid picture instead of loving a complete person who thrives and falls and grows and makes mistakes.
Moreover, you're missing out on so much of what makes a person wonderful in those parts of them that might seem "irrelevant" or "bad". For example, the way I feel about both of those friends is very different; those "irrelevant" bits actually matter a whole lot to me even if they seem inessential to my friend. Everything about a person, every little detail, is wonderful and essential to who they are.