Trite, contrived, mediocre, milquetoast, amateurish, infantile, cliche-and-gonorrhea-ridden paean to conformism, eye-fucked me, affront to humanity, war crime, should literally be tried for war crimes, resolutely shit, lacking in imagination, uninformed reimagining of, limp-wristed, premature, ill-informed attempt at, talentless fuckfest, recidivistic shitpeddler, pedantic, listless, savagely boring, just one repulsive laugh after another.
step 1: make imports and modules not suck. most of you have this down, cool!
step 2: nuke most of the stdlib. do not replace it.
step 3: get rid of most of the OOP stuff
step 4: make function pointers a little less awkward
step 5: come up with an extremely unsexy name. you're done!
