First shot of animation: clips from the original Fantasia fly past on membranes that plant themselves and become the orchestra set.

The studio, and Walt’s nephew Roy E Disney in particular, make a play at legacy by returning to the most high-brow, artistically daring of the initial features. But by making a sequel Fantasia is diminished from a new form of art to a rather ambitious movie.

Fantasia 2000 has a studio ident, a title card, and a normal credit crawl. It also has a rotating cast of hosts, one for each segment. Instead of a recognized expert guiding you through orchestral music, it’s celebrities you already like. And instead of talking about the piece, they’re usually talking about the Fantasia concept.

The segments are much shorter on average, this is nearly an hour shorter than the previous Fantasia. Let’s go through them:

• Beethoven’s 5th: This abstract opener was intense enough at home, it must have been an overwhelming nightmare in a theater
• Pines of Rome: I've become poisoned to the point my most honest reaction is “it’s a baby freaking whale Jay!”
• Rhapsody in Blue: Calling Rhapsody in Blue vibrant is like calling a jet engine loud, but the short lives up to the soundtrack. The style, the color, the sight gags, I thought this was going to be my favorite.
• Piano Concerto No. 2, Allegro, Opus 102 (The Steadfast Tin Soldier): Something you often see is people complaining all major CG animation sticks to roughly the same aesthetic; the same slightly cartoony, semi-realism. Where were these people when Fantasia 2000 came out? Where are the Tin Soldier stans? A painterly story told in color temperature made with tech specs a DTV Barbie video would clown on.
• The Carnival of the Animals, Finale: Somebody went back to the Alice in Wonderland concept art in the archives. A comic little short that gets a lot of mileage out of five birds moving as one, and one bird very much not.
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice: The only returning segment, so look back in the tag for my initial reaction. But in this context they just don’t make ‘em like they used to. The tactile feel of ink and paint on cels, and the attention to framing and contrast instead of the soaring perspective games made possible by a digital camera. I wish I’d seen this as a kid to know what I’d thought of it then.
• Pomp and Circumstance: This one doesn’t work for me. Donald’s antics and the solemn March are supposed to highlight one another by contrast but it’s not hitting. And the central story depends on someone not hearing Donald Duck, the loudest cartoon character ever conceived.
• The Firebird: My actual favorite. Fantasias end on a high note for me, two out of two. Also shorts with lava, come to think of it. The nymph is a joy to watch, the elk is a tribute to the style of Bambi, the speed and exhilaration of flight, it even earned the explosion of particle effects at the end. Just magnificent.

looks like them bizarre podcast boys are at it again

First shot of animation: branches of jungle trees divide as the camera pushes in to a title reveal.

Ah yes, the visualization of a Phil Collins concept album. I think one’s opinion of this movie is entirely dependent on how they feel about the music. So for my money, it’s pretty okay.

Glean Keane really is the best to ever do it. A character whose muscles and skeleton are always visible, no clothes to hide behind, but with the full human breadth of emotion and mood. Energy and exuberance and coiled strength.

And Brian Blessed is having the time of his life, maybe only animation can contain a Brain Blessed performance. But I think the best melding of vocal performance and animation is Jane. Minnie Driver is a treat.

The Deep Canvas tech is so well used in the jungle traversal scenes but so out of place otherwise. Just draw a dang rowboat, please. And draw the water while you’re at it, this company was built on very pretty water.

That leopard was cool as shit.

I’m reading how the College Football Playoff works and I’m losing my mind. So the NCAA has so very many football teams, and about a dozen every year that are exceptionally good, sure. But sports needs a champion. Every game has a winner, every season has a biggest winner. And you’re not allowed to do a big tournament.

The solution for a while was the BCS. All the football went in a big computer and the computer told you which teams would play for the championship, as well as which teams would play in other games with prestige and big TV contracts.

People did not like the big computer. They wanted playoffs. But you’re not allowed to have playoffs. The prestigious games with big TV contracts won’t accept being subordinate to other games and you can’t add a postseason to the calendar.

So they replaced the big computer with a secret committee that meets every week to say who is best at football. It’s not actually secret, they meet in a hotel and their names are public, but it’s cooler if they’re secret. There are 13 rotating members, a very secret number. It’s a rule that they do not use computer models. They just argue.

The committee is made of athletic directors, retired coaches, former players, and other football experts. For three years it included Condoleeza Rice and I’ve never wanted to read football meeting minutes before learning that. She got an MA at Notre Dame and I guess you just absorb football if you’re around there long enough.

The committee is not required to publish a ranking weekly, or even at all. They just do. Which requires them to meet, in person, ten times a year outside of Fort Worth, Texas (another place you learn football via absorption). These rankings are separate from the rankings from other bodies which have no effect on anything, unless the secret committee uses them while arguing with each other to make their own rankings which also do not matter.

The part that matters is the top 4 picked at the end of the season. The rest is just because. Maybe the Dallas airport is nice, I don’t know. Those four are put in a rotating pair of prestigious games with big TV contracts to act as that year’s semifinals. Because the big important idea, the idea to fix football, is adding a single game to the schedule. A brand new football game that the big computer cannot sully. An elegant solution that lets you technically have a playoff without extending the season.

The College Football Playoff brings in over half a billion dollars per year so the leadership unanimously voted to extend it from four teams to twelve. Whoops.