Nekomansa

Mansa

@Nekomansa

the power that is me

  • they/them

Large cat. Gosh, quite a lot of cat.

I'm Matt, or Mansa. A black, queer, enby feline. I conjure various things.

icon by @tuxedodragon

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Nekomansa
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IsHeOughtTo
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MOOMANiBE
@MOOMANiBE

feel like I have a post tumbling around in my brain somewhere - built up from years and years of watching Things Happen Online - about how there are two types of vulnerability on social media

the first is childlike vulnerability; 'I'm helpless or ignorant or hurt, please protect/save/feel bad for me.' This is generally perceived as morally good and will at worst get you benignly or guiltily ignored - maybe unfollowed quietly at the worst.

the second is thoughtful vulnerability; 'I thought this through and am trying my best. I'm being honest about complicated struggles. I'm trying to make up for things. I'm being open in a thorough way.' This is punished. Always. People will immediately begin looking for reasons to declare you foolish, insincere, false, clout-chasing, unforgiveable, etc.

This is more or less the reason why, among other things, posting apologies on socials is a meaningless activity. It is merely a signal marker for the next dogpile, the fresh scent of blood luring in a yet larger crop of people ready to get ethereal upvotes for dunking the hardest. People will more readily forgive and forget total silence than an admission of fault.

And that sucks. like. I think a lot of people read a lot about restorative justice ages ago and have that somewhere in their brains but many of them still pull out the knives the instant someone looks like they might be easily branded One Of The Bad Ones. I've seen it again and again. I think a lot of people find it more useful to be seen as valorous themselves by constantly being on the attack - on sites like twitter and reddit you're EXTREMELY rewarded for it, consistently - than to allow the possibility that someone else might be flawed but not inherently a bad person. To allow the existence of a non-hostile reading of a messy topic. Idk.

Sometimes I wonder if this is even fixable culturally. We've created a system where good faith posts from tiny companies or individuals are infinitely more damaging than a large company's power to simply remain silent until everyone forgets. Knowing the reasons only feeds the fire. Silence is the way it will blow over. That's the sad truth. The cynical corporate method just works.

I hate it.

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in reply to @MOOMANiBE's post:

ann-arcana
@ann-arcana

the irony is that this tendency to eat our own but let massive corporations off the hook for heinous and sadistic crimes is kinda what the word "cancel culture" was originally supposed to be describing.

istg these last few years it feels like the pattern is just realizing we learn literally nothing about anything ever.

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MalachiteTiger
@MalachiteTiger

I do wish "Bathroom Effect" would get comparable levels of discussion. Where it's understandable that people who are acutely aware of how little power they have will seek out avenues of action that are easy but destructive because it's the only way they can feel less helpless...even though all it does is harm people who are actually trying to make the world better or just get through it themselves instead of doing anything of impact to the people creating the problems.

A few times I've seen people engaging in social media pile-ons targeting trans people admit that they knowingly go after marginalized people because those are the only targets they view as vulnerable enough to be affected.

Which is one of those things where I wish they'd stop and unpack what they just said instead of leaving it unevaluated because holy fuck.

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ann-arcana
@ann-arcana

Some people get the tiniest bit of power or control and it goes straight to their heads, and the internet has managed to give that to literally everybody.

People spilled a lot of ink about how "empowering" the web would be, but never seemed to think through what that meant.

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secrets
@secrets

I gotta wonder how much it's "our own" in the sense of a defined community with shared values capable of learning anything and how much it's up to maybe four people who have ever heard of each other before, backed up by a greek chorus of ten thousand random teenagers and drama addicts. ime offline leftist groups where people actually have relationships and are working on a common cause are fraught and obnoxious in a very different way

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amydentata
@amydentata

There's a decent number of people who Do Whatever They Can Get Away With and if you present yourself as a pleasant friend, they think this means they can get away with a lot. And they know they can't get away with a lot (or have any meaningful effect) on a large corporation or someone who keeps their distance online. This type of person can be found in any random grouping, doesn't matter the politics or the vibes or anything else.

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hierarchon
@hierarchon

copy/pasting a post i've made before

as someone who has been On The Line for a while, I've seen a lot of people make fuckups, and in turn a lot of people apologize

and judging from people's reactions, here are the things I've learned:

  • you shouldn't focus on yourself, since the victim is the reason for the apology, but also, you shouldn't focus on the victim, since you're the one that fucked up
  • you should explain what happened since that shows you know how to prevent it, but also, you shouldn't explain why it happened since that's deflecting
  • you should say what you're going to do better since that shows commitment, but you shouldn't say what you're going to do better since that is just trying to make you look good
  • you should apologize in public since that shows ownership, but also you should apologize in private since the attention might draw more harassment
  • you should reach out even if it's been years to give them closure, but you shouldn't reach out if it's been years since that might retraumatize them
  • no matter what, if you make the wrong decision you are a Bad Person Forever who clearly has zero contrition or feelings

in conclusion, simply never make any mistakes ever. hope this helps!

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NireBryce
@NireBryce

I do wonder how much of this is also that bad actors have used apologies to absolve themselves of things it turns out they never stopped doing.

not that it devalues your point, just that some actions accelerate the spiral

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NireBryce
@NireBryce

alsoplus the thing where acquaintances and community figures are the biggest targets ppl go after because they know they can hold power over them, like the surprisingly telling comment the other day that "going to the mods on Twitter wouldn't work" when someone was asked why they were badgering their mods on masto

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skychimera
@skychimera

I feel a lot of that. idk, I wonder how much of this is misdirected pain/frustration/feelings of fear about the damaging actions of, like the example you mentioned, large companies. or the ruling class more broadly, or any of the systemic issues people face that feel overwhelming/untouchable.

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