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iliana
@iliana

(typed and edited by @iliana)

if we're going to keep having 80-year-old geriatric presidents the best we can do is give the candidates some assistance during debates. here's what i propose:

  • each candidate can select a party of up to 6 high school speech-and-debate students, who answer questions on behalf of the candidate.
  • at any time, the candidate may use their turn to substitute which high schooler is answering questions, but at the cost of having to answer the question themselves. substitutions are also permitted at commercial breaks and are "free" in that the candidate does not have to actually do anything.
  • candidates may give their students items to hold, which can have certain effects.
  • each student may have up to four 3x5" index cards for notes.
  • candidates and high school students may NOT be assisted during the debate by campaign staff or speech-and-debate coaches, as usual.
  • the televised vice presidential debate is replaced with a 2-on-2 double battle; the vice presidential candidate has their own party of 6 high school speech-and-debate students.
  • battle music
  • the winning team of students is given one (1) large two- (2) topping pizza to share and/or cabinet positions, as determined by the candidate and/or senate

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in reply to @iliana's post:

i think it should be the debate club people do the actual debate, while the best doctors in the United States inject both candidates with drugs that aren't yet available to the public that allow them to fistfight for the entire debate like that one scene in Metal Gear Solid 4.

but the debate students have shock collars so their performance degrades depending on how the fight goes, and a well timed blow could interrupt your opponent's debate party train of thought at a critical moment.

it'd be really easy to get up and running too. FanDuel sportsbook would even eagerly supply the lobbists