me: theres a really cool episode of a true crime podcast (yuck) about owls framing husbands for killing their wives because the owls would latch onto their hair thinking it's prey at the top of the stairway and they fall down and die, or fall into pools and drown and the only way the forensicologists found out it was owls is their feets leave DINOSAUR SCALES when they make impact
me: it was ALMOST the PERFECT CRIME
me: birds can't get away with that anymore because of the ring doorbell
me: so anyway that's why i wear hats outside